Life without hope
by chele35
Summary: In 3 x 07, what would have happened if Korsak, Frost, and Frankie didn't find Dominc and Jane? How will Maura change? Is fate in the cards? DISCLAIMER: Dark and potentially triggering, please don't read if this would affect you negatively- MA rating for language, sex, and violence
1. Nightmare

Rizzoli & Isles is property of TNT. I am only playing and am not making any money off of this.

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Maura looks on at the monitor that's the focal point of the homicide department. Her best friend, Detective Jane Rizzoli, is displayed tied to a bed after being abducted by Dominic. Dominic, a childhood acquaintance of Jane, had recently become the star suspect in the homicide of a therapist and his wife. What the detectives and M.E. didn't realize, when he was delivery bread to the station cafe before becoming a suspect, was that he was a sociopath and had a fixation on Jane.

It had taken most of the day to determine what happened to the Jane. Once foul play was determined and by whom thanks to the exterior cameras at the station, Frost was able to make quick work to find the website that had Jane on display. Upon seeing the image, Frankie, Frost, Korsak, and Maura gasped in horror. To see their sister/friend on display, and so helpless, was nearly too much for them to remember they were the ones that had to find her.  
Maura holding Jane's desk chair as though her life depended on it, "Korsak! That's Janes bedroom!". She had recognized the furnishings and was starting to think Dominic's illness had made him react on feelings rather than rational. Korsak, Frost, and Frankie hearing direction, needed no more encouragement and were on their way.

"Come on Maura, you need to be rational, for Jane" she thought to herself, as the trio left the room. Certain it was Janes room, she was confident this would be over in moments and Jane would be unharmed. But before she can start her methodical way of calming down her phone rings. It's Frankie. "Maura, any changes in the video? Have you seen Dominic?". "No Frankie, she's still lying there unconscious.". Understanding Maura's feeling of helplessness, Frankie instructs Maura to use Janes homicide radio so she can help in interacting with Dominic should the situation become 'complicated'. Maura thankful for the distraction, starts to analyze all the possible scenarios for what could happen; disturbed by why Dominic hasn't made hisself known since they started watching.

For what feels like years, but only spanning a few minutes, Maura hears the men break in the door to Janes apartment and start the process of clearing rooms. It's when they get to Janes bedroom Maura realizes there is a radiator under the window in the video that is not in Janes room. As the four start to try and figure out where they went wrong, Maura looks up to watch Dominic walk into the room with Jane. Seeing this, Maura freezes rather than communicating her new evidence to the trio. She now realizes the situation has just drastically decreased the probability of getting to Jane before she is harmed and this makes Maura want to climb through the screen to stop him.

At first Dominic stares at Jane, seeming to contemplate waking his captive. Then he turns to the camera, eyes wild with sickness, "Dr. Isles, you there? No matter. I'll make sure you get the message.". At that he crawls up the bed and Jane. "NO!" The detectives and Frankie hear Maura before they can ask her for an update. "Maura, MAURA! What's going on!". Frankie screams into the radio desperate to know why Maura would scream. Maura, still frozen, watches as Dominic starts to slowly undo the blouse he must have put Jane in, obviously trying to recreate a fantasy. "MAURA, come back to us, what is happening!?" Frankie tries again.

"There's a radiator under the window. It's design is indicative of early Bostonian architecture. Not many homes of that time are left due to fires that resulted from the bad design...". Without hearing more, Frost started a search on his phone looking for buildings that fit the description while Korsak was on the phone with a fellow detective searching for properties associated with Dominic that met this criteria.

Time seems to slow as Frankie tries to keep Maura focused on keeping him abreast of what was happening on the screen. Maura having already calculated the odds of finding Jane unharmed in relation to time and Dominic's mental illness, was starting to believe she might be seeing her friends last moments. Dominic meanwhile had finished with Janes blouse and had moved on to fondling and kissing her exposed abs and breasts unbeknownst to Jane but seen by a horrified Maura.

Almost a reflex action, Maura quickly moves to turn off the monitor before the situation can escalate. She turns to see the rest of the homicide department, Crowe the closest to her, staring at the screen wide eyed and mouths agape at the sounds and images filling the now silent department. "OUT NOW!" she insists giving the detectives a look that would kill if she willed it to. It took a few moments for the men to leave before Maura turned back to the darkened screen. Taking a moment to pull her thoughts together as she squints her eyes shut, she reaches to turn the screen back on hoping beyond hope Jane has been saved either by herself or by the trio.

"No, no! HELP! MAURA! Nooooo! Please stop, please!?". Its Jane and shes awake and begging; something Maura never thought she would hear. At hearing her name, Maura's legs gave out and she collapses in Janes chair, tears filling her eyes and all hope being replaced by unparalleled fear. Apparently during the time it took for Maura to clear the department, Dominic had taken his fantasy to the next level.

Amidst Janes pleas and Dominic's sinister laughs, Maura finally overhears Korsak, Frost, and Frankie talking about a plausible location Jane may be found based on their quick field research. "You have to go fast. Janes not going to make it if you don't hurry!" Maura pleads as she watches Dominic slow to a pause before turning back to the camera exposing her friend for the first time since he climbed on the bed several minutes ago. Jane is now completely without clothes, covered in numerous bloody spots Maura identifies as bite marks, bruised, and no longer moving. "Oh my God" is all that comes to mind, even though she doesn't believe in religion there are no words for what she is seeing.

Not realizing the radio is still on, Frankie starts screaming in the radio, now crazed with fear, trying to find out what is happening to his sister but Maura can't seem to function. She hopelessly stares at the screen in disbelief before she realizes she needs to reply to Frankie before they have a worse situation. As she starts to reply its cut short. Dominic, as if on cue, looks directly in the camera and gives a sinister grin eliciting a gasp from Maura and more yelling from Frankie. He then turns back to Jane and violently forces hisself into her. Maura overcome by sorrow, can no longer hold back the sobs that break her as she hears Jane start screaming again. With the radio near the screen now, Frankie finally understanding why Maura can't respond.

Maura falls to the floor trying to uh-see and un-hear what has happened but realizes she is the only one that can give the team updates as to what to expect when they find Jane. She grabs for the radio and disconnects her emotions from the situation, flipping to M.E. mode believing its the only way to help Jane. Moments pass and she finally hears that the trio has made it to Dominic's hideout and his delivery truck is parked in the alley out back. "Thank you, thank you so much. At least she's alive. We can get thru this, somehow, we will". At that she hears the men break in the second door in an hour and swarm the apartment. For the second time tonight, she realizes she doesn't hear the men thru the stereo on the screen, only thru the radio. Again as if on cue, Dominic looks back at the screen "she's mine".

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Fair warning, this is my first FanFic so I apologize if it is rough. Reviews welcome.


	2. Monsters Unseen

Simultaneously, Maura and Frankie begin screaming. "NO...Not again!". Jane had vanished again and they had no more immediate leads to chase. The room that the trio are looking at is the one from the video, but it is vacant of life. All that was left, upon an initial observation, is bloody sheets and damaged restraints that were used to hold Jane down in the footage. Frost and Korsak without pause immediately get on the phone pulling every resource the BPD had, to find Jane. A bollo was initiated and road blocks set for every road leaving Boston! It was their last hope at the moment. Frankie meanwhile is in full panic looking at the scene, considering what has happened to his sister and how he was going to face his family if they don't find Jane in time.

Back at the station, what was now is realized to be a recording continues while Maura desperately tries to collect information regarding Janes health and clues as to what Dominic may be planning next. Not being able to see much since Dominic began raping Jane, Maura tries to look around the edges of the frame for anything of value. Her hope begins to crack at finding nothing until Dominic finally finishes his assault and starts to move out of the frame. The sight to behold is horrific. There is a lot of blood covering Janes lower torso and legs, new bite marks are on her chest, and her overall body is riddled with bruises. Curious however is how he did not harm her face. Maura touches the screen with the palm of her hand, desperate for a connection. But before they can consider the torture to be over, Dominic is back maneuvering the camera so he can be the star once more.

"Dr. Isles?" he sings into the camera as a smile slowly appears on his face. "I know your watching... Jane's been a very bad girl and she had to be punished... I didn't like hurting her but I will not tolerate her cheating on me and throwing our relationship away any longer... She is mine and I will make sure Jane, you, and everyone else knows it... I will kill her if anyone interferes, tries to follow, or if she continues to beg for you. She is MINE!" and with that the screen went blank. "I WILL KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!" is all the trio hear from Maura, thru the radio, until she appears at the crime scene.

Within thirty minutes the whole city is on lockdown while the trio, M.E., and CSI team start to process the crime scene. Unlike other crime scene, this is on of awkward, professional silence. There wasn't much in the apartment outside of the bedroom from the video; the only things of note were the big screen tv and home movies. It was the home movies that were to be found particularly troubling. Upon seeing the cases from a distance, they appeared to be a common movie collection. They were overlooked by everyone but the CSI Techs and brought to Maura once their value had been realized. Until they saw these, the only items of interest were in the bedroom where the group found bodily fluids, an emptied syringe, and what appeared to be a complete surveillance system set up on a desk facing the bed room.

"He recorded the rape and posted it online for us to find. I found code that activated it to play upon recognizing the BPD IP address. We have no idea when they left this location or if they are still in Boston for that matter" Frost stated in an almost mechanical manner as he tried to real back his emotions so he could effectively work the case. The decision was made to dismantle the bedroom and take it back to the station for the Techs to comb thru more thoroughly; the syringe and swabs to be analyzed in the lab. The findings did not give them hope much additional information until the tech walked in with the home videos.  
Displayed on the jewel covers were what could only be assumed were the stars on the DVDs inside; they even had creative titles. Not knowing Jane, one could have seen the cases and thought Dominic had a liking of adult films that stared a particular actress. What the Detectives and especially the M.E. realized was that the surveillance equipment was used to monitor Janes apartment. For the most part, it appeared that each co-star had their own DVD. These persons were family, lovers, and Maura, Janes closest friend. More disturbing were the covers where it showed Janes lovers; Dominic had replaced the lovers head with his own.

Everyone has underestimated Dominic's mental state. Returning to the station, each detective and tech begins combing thru all the evidence collected at Dominic's apartment. Maura however decides to go back thru the murdered therapists notes regarding Dominic in hopes of trying to find where they all underestimated him.

Based on the therapists initial prognosis, it was believed that Dominic was a benign threat that could be kept neutralized thru daily mental exercises that introduced reality into Dominic's fantasies. Maura finds that Dominic's obsession must have started when Janes picture was posted in the Chronicle for her heroic acts during the police station siege. It was noted that Dominic identified Jane during a session claiming he had recognized Jane from their youth and that he had had a crush on her. This was not the first time Dominic had made note of a person and based Dominic's known history over the past several years the therapist had no cause for alarm. Actually the therapist had tried to use what he thought was a new fantasy interest as a way to get Dominic to finally see reality.  
After the first few months, the therapist was convinced Dominic had made progress as Dominic had obtained a job working for a bakery and moved into an apartment of his own. The therapist did not know that Dominic's mental state had actually changed for the worse and he was now stalking Jane. It took the incident where Maura and Jane were nearly killed while following the Frackers for the therapist to identify his error. Dominic had reacted aggressively toward the therapist having a newspaper on his desk with Janes picture on the front reporting about the incident; accusing the therapist of trying to take his girlfriend Dominic had stormed out and refused to respond to the therapist the following two days. Worried, the therapist decided to go to Dominic's apartment in hopes to better understand the situation while in an environment Dominic perceives as safe. Upon trying to get Dominic to see reason, he followed Dominic to the bedroom that Dominic had made to look exactly like Janes. What the therapist saw was a monitor recording two women sleeping in a room that appeared to be identical to the one he stood in; one of the women he recognized as the woman from the newspaper. Although the therapist was able to leave that day, Dominic obsessed about the visit and convinced hisself that the therapist was planning to take Jane from him. That is when Dominic moved to killed the therapist and his wife at their home.

Now Dominic possessed the focus of his obsession and fantasy without anyone to tell him what he was doing was wrong. Normally, objects of obsession were not harmed. The fact that Dominic had hurt Jane everywhere except Janes face deeply disturbed Maura. He was not fitting in any one particular guideline. Instead he seemed to be acting randomly and with rational thought even though his overall fantasy was still being played with himself the co-star.

Maura rose from her desk getting ready to head upstairs to give this new information to Frost and Korsak. As she opens the door Frankie is approaching from the elevator, his head down and unable to control his quiet sobs. As she approaches him, he looks up "they found an abandoned car out west just outside Hartford, CT. Reports say there's a lot of blood, too much for the person to have survived. The local M.E. has been processing it for the past few hours and only contacted us when the blood came up with a match. It's Jane, Maura. It's Jane".

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What will they find?


	3. You Have to Live

Hang in there gang. This is a bit of a tease but its info you need in Maura's story for it to make sense later on.

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"Please stop, don't hurt her" Maura cries out as she jumps up in bed. It has been three years since Jane vanished and her mind continues to replay the series of events as if trying to find a clue that she missed during that first frightful day. Jane's case is now classified as cold; no new evidence or leads have been found in over 18 months. It is now coming up on the three year anniversary; Maura and the Rizzoli family had little hope in finding Jane alive.

Maura slides out of bed and walks to the restroom to splash her face with cold water. At first this was her way of recognizing reality from the nightmares that plague her. Recently however, it has turned into her ritual way to wash off the taint and sorrow she feels at seeing those images of Jane and not being able to help her loved friend.

"Maura are you alright, honey?" she hears as she rounds the doorway going back to bed. Mathew, her fiancé, is lying in bed and accustomed to Maura's nightly torment and ritual. As she peers into his eyes, sees the concern he has for her painted on his face and she loves him for it dearly. "I'm alright" she responds with the same forced smile she has given him since he first stayed the night with her a year ago.

[After Jane vanished Maura's world fell apart. The loneliness she was accustomed to, prior to having met Jane, returned what felt like two fold. Initially, Maura tried to maintain the relationship she had with the Rizzoli family, however, it became too difficult as more time passed. It was the big lifestyle changes that tripped Maura up like the Sunday family dinners without Jane, Frankie quitting the force to appease his mothers incessant worry, Tommy's turn to substance abuse, and Angela's personality change to extreme codependency of her remaining children. It was too much of a reminder that everything had changed and not for the better. After a year, Maura had to pull away from the Rizzoli's; seeing them at most on a monthly basis rather than the daily occurrence they were used to.

Around this time Maura met Mathew. She had decided to join a grief therapy group in the hopes of being able to let go of the guilt that was keeping her frozen in time. Mathew was another attendee, his sister was lost to cancer at a young age. At first Maura didn't even notice him. It wasn't that he wasn't attractive, quite the opposite, Maura was coasting thru life. After nearly six months of Maura ignoring his attempts at friendship, Mathew had taken the initiative to get Maura to speak to him. Maura, then starved for comfort but doing nothing to resolve her pain, finally recognized the opportunity and agreed to go to coffee.

Mathews personality seemed to soothe Maura the more she got to know him. He didn't ask for anything, he never pushed, and knew when to let Maura get lost in thought. After a year of dating, Mathew proposed and Maura accepted. It was not the life she had dreamed of three years ago, but it was better than the life she had without him. For the most part, Mathew's support helps Maura function again and for this, the Rizzoli's and Maura's parents, are grateful.]

Not being able to get back to sleep, Maura decides to go to the station to work on paperwork. Kissing the still sleeping Mathew on the cheek, Maura slides out of bed and readies herself for work. When she arrives, the station is quiet, as it is only the night shift, skeleton crew on the clock. Maura hits the down arrow on the elevator as one of the officers comes up next to her holding an evidence box. When the elevator arrives, Maura catches sight of the writing on the label as she turns to hit the button for the basement. It was evidence in Janes disappearance.

Unable to stop herself, "I'm sorry, where are you headed with that?" she says with a persuasive grin.

"I'm transporting it to Cold Case storage in the basement as requested by Cavanaugh" he replies.

"Would there be a problem with my taking a look before it is stored?" she asks hoping he will say no.

He hands her the box, no questions asked all the while fighting with the elevator doors so they didn't close on him. "Call me when your finished and I'll file it like I was supposed to". At that he tips his hat, grins, and walks back out into the lobby.

Relieved and filled with a new sense of purpose, Maura heads straight for her office; placing the box on her desk. While in the elevator, she couldn't wait to see what was in the box in hopes of finding a clue. Looking at it on her desk, she realizes the contents have been reviewed so many times it is highly unlikely to do more than create more vivid nightmares.

She flops into her desk chair, still staring at the box, but feeling defeated. What feels like seconds later, Maura hears Angela's voice calling her name, "Maura... Maura sweety, you alright?... Maura... please". Regrettably it was Angela's voice similarity to Janes when she said 'please' that pulled Maura from her catatonic state.

Dissapointed, "oh, hi Angela. Sorry, I must have zoned out" she tries to force a smile but it falters so she doesn't push further knowing Angela will pick up the insincerity. Angela, broken as she is, pulls her self together enough to console Maura by sweeping her into one of her traditional 'mommy bear' hugs.

Taking strength from Angela, Maura remembers she was supposed to be having lunch with Angela today to go over wedding plans. "Where do you want to go for lunch?" she questions as the hug breaks apart.

"I was thinking about going to that Chinese place Jane and you used to frequent" Angela replies bashfully. When Maura doesn't respond or look up at her she continues. "I'm sorry. If you rather we go someplace else, it's fine. I just have a strong feeling to be close to Jane today." Maura not normally returning to places that she frequented with Jane, couldn't deny the need Angela was relaying to her. "It's fine Angela. I feel that way too". She smiles at Angela as she grabs her hand leading them to lunch.

At first the two don't speak much other than awkward pleasantries. For both, being at the restaurant is bringing up memories that hurt them both deeply. It was Angela that finally breaks the silence. "Maura, why did you have that box on your desk with Janes name on it?". Maura looks up from her untouched plate and realizes there really isn't a logical reason. "I was thinking I might go back through the evidence. It was an impulse really. When I saw the officer taking it to be filed with the cold cases, I couldn't help myself" she responds.

Angela too had been going to grief counseling over the years. She knew how deeply the loss of Jane had hurt Maura, but she also knew Maura had to live. "Maura, you have to let go, honey. You're not living as long as you keep thinking about the past. We have to let Jane go. She wouldn't want you to feel this way. She'd want you to marry Mathew and move on with your life.". Angela could barely get the words out without choking up.

"That's the problem Angela. I can't let her go. Every night I dream of what I saw. I can't believe she isn't out there still needing my help. I have to help her.". Maura lets out a soft sob.

"Maura, please. You have your career, Mathew, Frankie, Tommy, your parents, and me. We need you to live. Please I beg you."

"I can't. This is not how my life was supposed to be." Maura snaps. Suddenly she doesn't understand how her feelings and thoughts have shifted so drastically and quickly takes a sip of water to calm her nerves.

"You have to. Do you realize you are supposed to be marrying Mathew in four months and have yet to do more than set a date and send out the notice? This is not our Maura. This is not Jane's Maura. Please, you have to move on sweet heart. We can't lose you too" and with that Angela rose from the table to leave.  
Maura only registering a third of what Angela says finally realizes what the problem has been all along. This wasn't the life she had dreamt. Her future was stolen from her. She couldn't move on because she never let herself come to terms with the fact she was in love with Jane. She wasn't supposed to be marrying Mathew, it was supposed to be Jane. She slams her fist down on the table at this realization and it catches Angela's attention before she gets far.

Angela, not willing to leave Maura in this state, turns and goes back to the booth. "Maura, I've made a decision. After talking it over with my therapist and the boys, the only way we can move on is to have closure.".

"Closure? Angela what are you talking about? She's still out there. I can feel it. She needs our help, not our blind eye!". Now Maura was causing a scene, which before Janes disappearance would not have happened regardless of the situation. Angela witnessing Maura's uncharacteristic mood shift and obsession to find her daughter only reinforces what she has to do. "The boys and I will be holding a funeral for Jane on the three year anniversary of her disappearance, which is in two days. We feel it's the closure we need. I think it would be good for you to come."

* * *

Dominic pulls up into the drive carefree and all smiles. As he walks in the door, Jane can hear him whistling as he does every day. "Janie. My Janie, where'd you get to?" he teases. He knows where she is, this is just part of the fantasy.  
He peaks in the bedroom door, "there you are sleepy head. You do like your afternoon naps, huh?" He comes over to her, brushes the hair from her face, and tenderly kisses her cheek. When he sits up she sees he has laid a newspaper down on the bed. "I thought you might like to see how your friends are doing" he says as though they are all the best of friends. "I wish we could attend but my job is just too important to leave right now. I'm sure they'll understand. Maybe we can send a present?" and with that he starts to undo her restraints. At first she is confused; he usually injects here with a drug cocktail to subdue her when he's home. _Maybe he's finally getting cocky_ she considers. "I think you'll be most interested in the announcement section" he adds as he leaves the room.

Eager for any word of her loved ones, she grabs the paper and turns to the announcements. Center page is the wedding announcement for Maura and Mathew. Jane can't make herself read it, instead she throws the paper across the room and cries. _They've moved on! No one is looking for me anymore. I'm all alone._

Lost in her thoughts, Jane doesn't hear Dominic returning, with tea, holding another section he hadn't given to her initially. "Oh, I forgot. Here's something else you might find interesting; I sure did.". He looks down waiting for her to acknowledge him. Unfortunately, over the years, Janes learned what she has to do to keep him happy in his dream world. She looks up at him, stopping her sobs and fixes a smile on her face, "Thank you Dominic. You're right. That was exactly what I needed. What other surprise do you have?". He smiles back, his eyes full of crazy, as he hands her the obituary section. She looks at the page not sure what she is supposed to be looking for when she sees her picture. Something no one should ever have to see, her own funeral announcement. He leans over her "I'm all you have left now" he whispers in her ear. She shutters at his words as he leans in to kiss her on the lips before pulling away; laughing at his victory, he walks out the door.

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Again sorry this was so long. I wanted to get this transition out all at once so I could get to the meat of the story.

Thank you for reading...


	4. The Breakup

I don't even remember coming back to my desk.

[After Angela revealed that Janes funeral would be in two days, Maura couldn't stand to be near her any longer. She had grabbed her purse, shoved pass Angela, and nearly ran back to her office, at the BPD, without concern for anything or anyone around her.]

No way is Jane gone. I can still feel her; I just have to find her. Remembering the box on her desk, she moves to open it and see what lies within. At first it appears to just be files, until she starts to remove them. In the bottom, are the home videos Dominic had made. I know there is basically no chance I will find something new but I have to try.

Removing the movies from the box, she looks again at the covers. The first shows Jane with Angela, Frank, Frankie, and Tommy called 'Home is Where the Heart is'. Two others show Jane with men in her bed; however, their faces have been replaced with Dominic's. The one with what looks to be Casey's body, due to the build, hair color, and pigmentation, is called 'A Soldiers Story'. The other appears to be co-starring Agent Dean and another unoriginal title with 'Catch me if You Can'. This is odd. He is creative enough to compile these films but can't think of original titles? Maura places the disks on her desk and peers back into the box.

Not remembering her own co-star role, she sees the cover and feels a pit in the bottom of her stomach. The cover shows her in bed spooning with Jane. This is so violating... With shaking hands she pulls the video from the box, without looking at the title, and adds it to the pile.

There are two video's left. Upon pulling them from the box, it appears that Dominic had been following Jane during field work. The one cover shows images of Jane during her days in Vice, while the other showed a collage of images from Homicide. Of all the videos, these are the only two that star Jane by herself. Pausing to consider where she should start, she decides to start from the beginning and puts the Vice DVD in her computer. At first look, Maura can't believe how young Jane looks. She's so cute. I wish I had known her during Vice; she looks so innocent yet mischievous. I hate Hoyt for taking that from her. Finally getting past seeing a young Jane she never knew, Maura realizes this is the first she has heard that Dominic was stalking Jane much before the BPD siege that was in the therapists notes.

She stops the Vice disc and replaces it with the one with the Rizzoli's on the cover. At first, its showing the Rizzoli's as she knows them today. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm sure someone already discredited this theory. With a frustrated sigh, she reaches to remove the disc when it changes. At first she isn't looking at the screen and hears only screaming. Maybe a Rizzoli reunion she chuckles to herself. When she looks up she sees that it's a field hockey game. Didn't Jane play field hockey in school? Just then she realizes what the camera is following is a teenage Jane. Oh my God. This has been going on since they were children. This sent shivers up her spine and goosebumps all over.

Remembering what she had read in the therapists notes, she quickly searches thru the box hoping she would find the folder again. It was there in the pile she had placed on her desk. Rifling thru, she finally sees what she is searching for:

**Dominic had an aggressive response towards me today. Delving further, the picture of a 'Jane Rizzoli' displayed in the newspaper on my desk seems to have been the trigger. According to Dominic, the two grew up together. He claims she and her family were very friendly to him; unlike others that treated him as an outcast. Apparently this 'Jane' had stood up for him in gym when some athletic boys started roughing him up. He had tried to pursue a relationship with her but didn't have the courage to ever ask. I asked him if he ever got jealous of the boys she may have dated. He was calm when he replied and said 'only the boys'. I'm not sure what was meant by this but based on our ten year relationship as my being his therapist, I believe using the relationship to this girl could be a way to show that people care about him. That he's not alone or the property of his abusive father.**

Maura reads this several more times before she looks back at the video that is still playing on her screen. Why did he input the older footage of Jane as a teen after the more current footage?

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Jane?". Maura recognizes Dominic's voice, only it's slightly higher pitched due to the young age. "A detective. Just like Cagney and Lacey, but in Boston. I'm not one for cities like New York, or even Los Angeles for that matter; too big and congested."

"Jane. Have you ever been to LA? How do you know you don't like it?" Dominic responds to Jane in a teasing way. Jane smiles at him showing that she didn't feel threatened by him or find him off putting.

"That's just the thing Dominic. I don't need to go there to know I don't like it. I just know" the young Jane returned with the sarcastic, know it all expression Maura recognizes from their years as adult friends.

The footage fades again to show a very young Jane, maybe 10 yrs old, playing on a boys baseball team. Based on what was being screamed, Jane had just batted and people were screaming for her to run all the bases. Just as Jane rounded third she caught up to the boy that was already on base when it was her turn at bat. "Dominic run, you pathetic excuse for a boy! Don't let that girl pass you by. Whats wrong with you!?". Jane, all legs, had caught up with who now Maura realizes is 'the' Dominic. She backed the disc up to see it from the start of the segment again; pausing it briefly to see that Dominic had started on second base. She watched Dominic run after Jane hit the ball. When the two crossed home plate, Maura noticed Jane had her hand on Dominic's lower back and was glaring directly at the person holding this camera. It wasn't his fault she caught up with him. Girls at that age typically grow taller than the boys until the boys reach puberty. He just had a smaller gait. Watching Jane being picked up by her teammates, she watches Dominic come towards the cameraman. "Hi, dad. Did you see my last hit?". Apparently the cameraman is his father.

"Maura, are you planning on spending the night here?" It's Korsak. Maura looks away from the screen and onto what now she wished she didn't see; pity towards her painted across the face of Korsak. "Maura you have to stop torturing yourself. Jane is gone. You have to accept it. Do you think she would want you to be stuck like this?" he moves to start to putting the items back in the evidence box.

"How do we know she's gone Vince? We never saw a body?" she points out.

"Maura" Korsak replies with teary eyes. "You saw the M.E. report from Hartford and the car they found. You yourself stated that it was too much blood for a person to survive and the DNA proved it to be Jane's" he paused to look into her eyes to make sure she was hearing his words for what they are. "You have always said science can't lie. How can you not believe the evidence that you examined yourself and accepted?"

Maura paused; having to agree with his argument. Then she remembered when Hoyt fooled everyone into believing he had an appendicitis. "Vince, I can't argue your point but we have to consider that Dominic had the aptitude to overcome what is normally scientifically obvious. Why would anyone, no matter how sick of mind, destroy something they have coveted since childhood. On these films he has footage since they were about ten. We are talking roughly twenty years. You would destroy something that precious in a day? Not without destroying yourself alongside it. We haven't found him either. They have to be still out there. It's only logical."

"Angela spoke to me and asked that I come check on you. Maybe you should take some time off from work or talk to a professional. You need help Maura, please" he finishes as he takes the DVD from her computer.

Now beside herself with emotion, Maura stands and tosses the box of evidence at Korsak before he has the opportunity to fully stand up from gathering the DVD from the computer. As such, the disc, case, and other DVDs fall to the ground along with the box. Maura looks on in disbelief. Why am I so out of control? "Vince, I'm sorry. I understand what Angela and you are trying to get across to me. I'll call someone first thing in the morning. I'm not myself right now and I don't know why. I haven't been this frustrated since it first happened."

Collecting the evidence from the floor, "well you were practically a zombie the last three years. We are just happy that we are finally starting to get our Maura back. Thanks no doubt to Mathew". As he stands, he looks at Maura, still standing behind her desk, with a fatherly smile. Maura had many times wished she had grown up with a father who smiled and cared the way Korsak did. She smiles back bashfully; embarrassed of her outbursts today. "I'll tell Angela we talked and that you'll be alright. I agree with her you know. You should come to the funeral to get closure. You don't have to agree right now. Just think about it. We love you and just want you to be happy and healthy". Finished he turns and walks out of her office.

I am such a fool. Maura sits back down and prepares to go home. As she turns off her computer and reaches down for her briefcase, under her desk, she catches a glimpse of a DVD case under her red office chair. She gets up to go retrieve it and try to catch up to Korsak before he gets too far. She picks it up, "Detective Korsak!" she calls after him; he's just down the hall. As she pulls it out from it's hiding place, she sees it's the DVD with her on the cover. Rizzoli and Isles is the title. Curious, is this a reference to Cagney and Lacey from the family video?". Korsak rounds the doorway, and she quickly hides the DVD behind her back as she stands straight.

"Maura, did you call? You ok?" he looks at her questioningly.

"I did. I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate everything you've done for me. I'll work this out" she says as she hopes he doesn't ask why she has her had behind her back in an unnatural way.

"Any time Maura" and he turns with a smile as he walks back to Cold Case storage.

* * *

**So Maura lied. Kind of. She's definitely letting her emotions get the best of her, which in the next chapters will help her find Jane.**


	5. Maura the Detective

I left as soon as I knew Korsak wouldn't catch me with this DVD.

Now that I'm home, it's like an elephant in the room but Mathew isn't aware. "Hey, you alright?" he says as he comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. "Angela called. She's worried about you. We all are".

Damn it Angela. Why do you have to meddle so much? "Mathew. I'm doing the best I can right now. I guess the anniversary is bothering me. Did she tell you about the funeral?".

At that he turns me around to face him, taking me away from the one thing, cooking dinner, that was keeping my nervous energy in check. "Hey, look at me" his fingers are on my chin tilting my face up so I look into his eyes. "I love you. I don't usually push you but something is going on. You have to open up or this will end up hurting you. Please. Trust me."

Please. Why is it always 'please'? Its 'please' from everyone these days; for the last three years. Is this how everyone gets me to do what they want? Now I'm pissed. "You're right" I respond with a terse tone. "I am tired of people begging me for things I can't give them! Please this, please that. I'm sick of it". I move to break free and move towards my office where my briefcase sits. The only thing I want to do right now is watch that DVD.

Mathew catches up to me before I make it to the hallway. "Stop! We have to talk. You haven't talked to me since we got engaged. We are supposed to be planning a life together but ever since we made that step you have shut me out. Do you even want to marry me anymore?".

He's about three feet behind me when I turn around. "Mathew, I don't know what I want right now. All I do know is that I am the only one that still believes that Jane is alive regardless of the fact that the forensic evidence says otherwise. The fact that I know science is wrong is making me question everything I thought I knew, everything I know. I'm so messed up. I don't even feel I have to words to explain this properly".

He looks at me again, empathy and pity in his eyes. "Sweetheart. How do you know she's alive? This is exactly why you have to go to the funeral. You have to get closure. Then you have to talk to someone, you need help. You can't do this on your own".

"My soul knows she is still alive. I know something has happened and she needs me more now then ever. I don't know how I know this but it's the only thing I'm confident of right now". Now I'm yelling. As the words come out of my mouth I can't believe I'm the one saying them. Dominic changed more than the Rizzoli's, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I fall to the floor; frustration, anger, confusion, betrayal all running thru my head at once.

"Let me help you. I know you love me but your confused right now". He kneels down stroking my back as I am overcome with grief.

When I look up at Mathew it's pity in his eyes and I snap. "GET OUT!". 'Please' and pity. I can't stand another second!

Mathew freezes. "Maura, calm down. You don't know what your saying. We love each other. I'm just trying to help you. Maybe you just need to take some time away from everything. What do you say? There's a nice resort in California or there's on in France. You like France, you went to school there. Just let me help you" he begs.

"Resort!? Is that code for mental institution" I'm so angry now, I finally understand people saying they could spit. As I stand, I imagine the facial expression I probably have right now; I probably look crazy. "I told you to get out of my house. Now go!". I take the engagement ring from my finger and throw it at him, he's still crouched down where I was and looking up at me. "This is not the life I was supposed to have. I love you but not like I should to marry you. I'm in love with Jane. Always have, always will. You and no one else will get me to give up on her. I've let three years go by letting everyone tell me what to do. No more! I'm sorry to treat you like this but I can't stand another second of seeing pity in a loved ones eyes. Get out, I will not tell you again before I call the police" I finish as I'm walking in my office and slam the door behind me.

I have no idea when or if he left. I go to my computer and turn it on while I pull the DVD from my briefcase from below. As soon as I see the windows desktop, I input the DVD positive that I will find a clue that will lead me to Jane.

I begin to watch the video and I notice that it's mostly footage of our movie nights and the occasional sleep over while at Janes apartment. That is all except one that was filmed at my house the last night we stayed together before she vanished.

**[We had just done an undercover operation where we had to pose as a couple. We had kissed and it had gotten a little out of control before Frost had stopped us. Before we could get uncomfortable, the perp had reacted and I had a knife to my throat. One thing led to another and the perp was apprehended but I wasn't comfortable being by myself that night. **

**Jane had insisted she stay with me so she could help me with the nightmares that would surely come. She had intended to stay in the guest room, as usual when she stayed at my home, but I insisted she stay with me. **

**For reasons unknown, I still think the kiss had something to do with it, I had a little too much to drink and tried to have a tickle fight when we went to get in bed. We rolled all over trying to get the upper hand when finally I got her pinned below me. Like two magnets, I couldn't help myself and ended up leaning in for another kiss. Just as it started to get heated, Jane pulled away and saying she didn't want to take advantage of the situation. **

**Defeated, I laid down next to her before turning on my side. Not willing to let me feel embarrassed, Jane spooned me but this time wrapped her arm around me intertwining our fingers on my left hand that was just beneath my chin.]**

It was the last night I slept without nightmares.

I have the DVD set to loop; positive there is something there for me to find. I can't believe I never saw these videos before. I sit there intently watching. Looking for details, visual and audible, I sit there and making notes trying to piece it together with what I knew from before.

Hours go by and I must have fallen asleep with my head on the desk; the DVD continues to play. I awake to the house phone ringing. I reach over to grab my desk phone, barely registering reality. "Maura? You there?" Angela asks.

"Yeah. Hi, Angela. Sorry, I was asleep".

"Well I'm glad your able to get your rest. I was just calling to see if you wanted to go to the funeral with Frankie, Tommy, Vince, and I. We are having a car pick us up at noon if you would like to come".

I lost a whole day? "Ugh, thanks. I think I'll drive myself. I have some things I need to take care of before I get there".

"Alright. Let me know if you change your mind. I don't want anything to happen to you because your upset. I love you, we all do" and she hangs up.  
Still trying to wake up, I realize it's the first time I've slept without being woken by nightmares. I miss Jane. And then I hear it:

**"You and your geeky conferences, Maura. Are they really necessary?" Jane teases.**

**"Yes, Jane. There will be a riveting workshop on biometrics and next generation identification. I have to stay current with new technologies. Besides, I'm presenting" I return with a coy smile as I finish my hair.**

**"But it's all the way in LA. What am I going to do without you? You know Ma is going to try and set me up on a date since she'll know I'm free this Friday night instead of with you" she whines.**

Los Angeles? It keeps coming up. I move to go get ready for the funeral. As I get in the shower I start to go thru all the new information I have learned in the last forty eight hours. I can't believe I watched that video for over twenty four hours. Maybe I do need help.

By the time I put the finishing touches on my outfit, I hear that I left the DVD running in the other room. I go to shut it off when I see Jane hugging me on the screen. I start to tear up and reach out to touch the screen.

**"I'm so glad your home. I was so worried you would get lost in LA" Jane teases me. We giggle and as I pretend to get fussy and make to push her away, "I love you" Jane says to diffuse me. **


	6. That Gumshoe Thing

I've never felt so sick in my life! Shoot me, stab me, anything is better than this.

Our third anniversary is today and Dominic is upset with me because I'm sick. Its never good when he's upset, especially not today of all days.

I started to feel very bad this morning. I have nothing left in my stomach, so all I'm doing is dry heaving. Worse yet are the racing thoughts, body aches, fevers, and the feeling of ants crawling on my skin. I can't keep still. This is like the flu on steroids; I'm desperate for relief.

Dominic comes in the room just as I think I can't keep quiet anymore. "Dominic, please. Help me. I'll do anything you want. Please" I beg as he looks at me and smiles while rubbing my exposed leg.

"Anything for you my Jane. You want me to get you some medicine?"

"If it will help, yes. Anything. I feel like I'm loosing my mind" I respond. I can't help but moan as I continue to lay there writhing in pain.

When he returns with the syringe, I can't remember ever being happier in my life. I can't stay still and beg him to hurry. He smiles and stares at me until I move to take it from him. "Tell me you love me Jane and I'll give you this".

Without a second thought, I stop my feeble attempts to get the syringe. "I love you Dominic. I love you so much".

* * *

[I left for Los Angeles the day of the funeral. On my way to the airport, I had the driver stop at the church, where the funeral was being held, so that I could inform the Rizzoli's of my move. I waited outside the front doors, inside the Town Car, until they exited. It broke my heart to see how broken the family has become.

As I exited the car, Angela caught sight of me and ran to me so as to wrap me in a hug. The look in her eyes said it all. Angela was happy I came but confused as to why I did not come in. Before she could compose herself, I held her shoulders in my hands, looking into her eyes trying to convey that I needed to tell her something that was not open to conversation.

"Angela. Thank you for doing this today. I understand your need for closure and appreciate that you invited me. I know your concern for my well being is coming from a loving place, but closure is not something I can pursue right now. I hope you can respect my decisions and we can continue to have a semblance of the relationship we had prior to Janes disappearance. I have missed that very much.

I came to inform you that I will be leaving Boston for Los Angeles. I do not know when I will return but I very much plan to stay in regular contact. I would also have no issue if you would like to move into the main house and maintain it while I am gone. Actually, it would give me piece of mind.

Also, Mathew will most likely be coming by to pick up his items as we are no longer engaged". I held my hand up to stop her before she tried to interrupt; she stopped. "Now before you say something please understand that marrying him would not have been the right thing to do. He did a lot for me and I am grateful but I am not in love with him. I am hoping this needed change will help me find love and life once again. I hope you understand".

Angela hadn't tried to argue much. Perhaps she wasn't that surprised that I had decided to leave. She promised to inform the rest of our friends and loved ones, understanding the strength it took for me to tell just her. I was just happy she didn't pick up on my skirting the truth as to why I am going to LA and cause a scene.

Before I left for LA, I pushed to give myself a good head start. First, I called my mother to discuss my move and that I would be living at the family condo in Westwood. Mother had no issue as I knew she wouldn't. Then I pulled some resources to become the new Chief M.E. for the LAPD; the current having agreed to transfer to the BPD in my place. Finally, I called on the head of the Isles Foundation Substance Abuse Outreach Division, Janet Hindler, to obtain a contact for the LA office.]

The size and population of the city would have made it impossible for me to do this alone. As such, I knew I had to foster as many resources as possible to increase my chances. This did not include social media however as I did not want to risk the health and well being of Jane by informing Dominic of my search.

Over the past few months, I had used my new strength and determination to push past my social awkwardness and form relationships with key beat cops, Drug Unit detectives, and Homicide detectives. I also connected with Charles Moran, the LA contact Janet provided me from the Foundation. The common denominator between these persons was to find someone with Dominic's description purchasing MDMA and Pure Ketamine, and/or discussing kitty flipping via IV.

The reason for this had merit. When the syringe had been analyzed from Janes crime scene, we found residue for the two drugs. This had quickly led us to the dealer they were bought from as the two were not popular in Boston. The dealer had positively identified Dominic's picture and relayed that he taught him how to IV 'Kitty Flip'. Luckily Dominic had stood out to the man for two reasons. First, Dominic refused to use the drugs as instructed; insisting on using it as an injectable in small doses. Second, he purchased the dealers entire inventory which would have lasted several months of daily use at the dosage the dealer provided.

Ignoring the detectives conclusion that it was likely Jane became unmanageable and Dominic murdered her in a struggle, I was relying on 'Janes demise without a body' being staged so as to stall the investigation. It worked. So now I hope I'm in the right city.

I'm theorizing that the addiction forced upon Jane will require Dominic's continued purchase at higher quantities. Otherwise, Dominic would run the risk of Jane trying to escape or health issues. I do not believe this outcome is desirable for him and further support this point with the fact that Dominic shows signs of obsessive compulsive disorder. As such, the act of drugging Jane has most likely formed a habit of which he most likely wouldn't be able to stop for very long, or at all. Granted, I also have to factor in the three years of torture on a drug altered mind which has most likely lead to Stockholm Syndrome. Yet another supporting reason for needing resources within the LAPD.

My phone rings, "Maura? It's Charles. I don't think this is a plausible lead but I have someone you should probably talk to nonetheless. Up for a drive?".

"That's great. But why do you think it's not plausible?" I respond.

"Well because of who it is" apprehension in his voice.

"Regardless, any information is more than I have now" I finish as I hang up and dress in less conspicuous clothes. Charles and I had followed up on twenty leads so far, but none produced. This however was the first time he seemed apprehensive to phone me so I hope he isn't getting second thoughts.

Charles drives up thirty minutes later. "What no Dior dress?" he giggles, finding himself humorous. "They do produce items other than dresses you know. I didn't want to stand out".

"I do know that, I'm just teasing you".

"So where are we off to?" I ask trying to stay on task.

"West Hollywood. Think you can handle not going to the ghetto on this venture?" he looks at me laughing again. If I didn't need him, I would steer clear. His wants to be a comedian, so he thinks everything he says is funny. "There's a bar and restaurant there that is themed for homosexuals but is a hot spot for socialites in the movie business. You know, good food and music with patrons so self indulged they don't care your famous?"

"Sounds like a great place. Why are we going there?".

"Apparently one of my people were solicited for MDMA and pure Ketamine in high quantities. The buyer stated it was for his employer. So, I'm not sure if it's a real lead or some celebrity having a party."

"I understand" I return solemnly as we pull up to valet the car. The bar is different from anything I've been to back in Boston. The front half is open air and fenced off with ornate rod iron and brick. And as we walk up, I see that the theme is somewhat religious in nature; ironic.

"Um, Maura, we can't just go up to this guy and start asking questions. We can make contact, but we are probably going to have to work the relationship before we can try to get information out of him. If we try to be direct with people like this, it's usually counter productive" he looks at me with worry in his eyes.

"Alright. So what is the plan?" I ask, worried that he will tell me that I might have to do something that I may not want to do.

"First, let's just try and make contact. I told my guy to give him a quarter of what he's asking for. He told the buyer that we were his suppliers and he would be calling us to obtain the rest of the order. The rest we can play by ear" and at that he spots his contact, grabs my hand, and directs our path over to the two men.


	7. Are you 'thee' Dominic?

Feet from the two men, I reach out to grab Charles' elbow to stop him. "Charles, if this guy does work for Dominic I can't be a prominent personality or we will mess this up. Maybe a girlfriend?".

"Agreed" he returns as he bends down and kisses me on the cheek in such a way that it would appear it was on the lips from the buyers angle. I wasn't thrilled but understood we had to keep up appearances. I committed to my role then,staying slightly behind Charles and perceived aloof so as not to attract attention.

When we reached the two, Charles greeted Rodge with a hand grasp and pat on the back before turning his attention to the buyer. "So what's your story?".

Caught off guard and jumpy, "excuse me?" the buyer returns.

"I'm asking you if you are a cop. Normal patrons don't request your volume. Can you see why I was called?" Charles glares.

"Look man. I just got this job and the boss is a little eccentric. Can you help me or not?". Even though his words were supposed to have bite, this kid was scared.

"Well we don't keep that quantity on hand; it's just not good business. I can help you but so far I have no reason to trust you". And with that Charles turns his attention back to me. Apparently I'm a needy girlfriend type.

I was watching this kid out of the corner of my eye while playing along with Charles. At first I was sure the guy was going to walk. He had turned from us and paced 10 feet before abruptly turning back. "Look if I go back with nothing he is going to fire me. To be honest, I am not comfortable doing this at all. I just wanted to get experience in the business you know?".

"And what business is that?"

"Geez man. The same business everyone in LA is in, adult movies. Way more money than stupid films for the masses".

"Well glad to meet a patron of the arts then." Charles smiles and holds out his hand to try and portray some trust; the buyer took it.

"I'm going to help you out, but I'm not able to give you the full order today. With this volume, I'd rather split this into thirds. Unless, that is, your taking it to a party?".

"Nah. From what I see, it's mostly used to help the actors. Even though if you ask me, his girlfriend should lay off it for a while. So how's this going to work?" and we have him.

Charles smiles knowing that we will be able to pump this guy for more information and not have drill him completely today. "Well, you'll pay as you receive product. We'll do a third tonight, a third on Thursday, and the rest on Saturday. We need to make sure we're here when it's busy otherwise we'll draw attention. You gotta number we can reach you to set up particulars?".

After finishing up with the buyer, we grabbed a drink with Rodge to discuss the plan. He was satisfied with our arrangement as long as we kept his name from the police and gave him all the money. To be honest, I wasn't thrilled with taking part in a drug deal but Charles reminded me of why I was doing this after Rodge left. We continued to work out our plan and agreed that I needed to inform my friend in the Drug Unit so we didn't get too messy, but other than that we were pretty confident.

The next few days went by uneventful. My friend in the Drug Unit, Detective Moran, insisted that he be personally involved. He was ambitious and wanted to use this bust as a career booster. It was fine by me, I was using resources in a way that was probably illegal. Considering where he could fit in in our operation, we decided he could be Charles' right hand man slash body guard. At least that gave him a reason to have a gun.

Charles texted the buyer and asked him to meet us back at the Mosque at 10, keeping up appearances once again. Unlike last time, when we found him, he seemed much more relaxed and confident. Charles started with introductions and we learned the kids name is Kenny. Apparently he is a huge film buff and couldn't break into Hollywood. It seems his love for money out shadows his love for directing because he couldn't stop trying to sell Charles and I on partaking in one of his bosses films.

"You sure you don't want to try it? The money is out of this world and the quality doesn't even have to be that great" he solicited.

"Nah. I don't think Melissa (my undercover name) would appreciate me getting her into more than I already have" Charles laughs as I try to pretend to have my attention elsewhere. "Before you go, tell me. You think this boss is going to make this a regular order? If so, maybe tell him that I could do something with the price if I knew I needed a regular supply".

"Why don't you tell him yourself. He'll be here next Wednesday. After I didn't come back with the full order the other day he was pissed. Might help to smooth things over with future business".

"Great thought Kenny. Just so I know who I'm working with, can you give me his name?".

"I don't know, he might get pissed but it might benefit you to do some homework. He's real strange but people love his work; otherwise I wouldn't go near him" Kenny gives Charles and I a worried look. "He goes by the name Dominic. Dominic Masterson".


	8. It Can't be Can it?

"He used his own name? What an asshole!" Charles said once we were back in the car. He continues on in his rant but my mind is elsewhere.

As we pull up to my building, I feel like I should do something to calm him. "Charles, that's not his real name. Dominic's last name was Ward".

"So, you don't think this is the right guy?"

"I didn't say that. Actually, I'm pretty confident it is".

"How so?"

Collecting my thoughts, I quickly run thru everything I learned about Dominic. "If it is indeed him, I'm not necessarily surprised he used this name" I pause letting that sink in before I continue. "The trauma he experienced as a child, at the hand of his father, has led to a collection of mental disorders. Do you understand the origins of the last name? Master and son" I look at Charles making sure he is listening. "His fantasy won't let him change his first name. It sickens me, but I'm confident in that he needs to hear Jane say his first name for him to feel stable in the world he created. As for his last name. I believe that's a way of exerting power".

"You can't be serious."

"He spent most of his life being abused by his father. Overtime that's all he knew. He probably confused his emotions into idolizing his father. Now that he is no longer under his thumb, I wouldn't be surprised if the last name isn't homage to his father".

We spoke for a little longer but nothing said pulled my mind from the certainty that Dominic was probably still in contact with his father in some capacity. As soon as I return to my condo, I call Frost. "Frost, I apologize for the time, but I have found something that I think warrants further investigation". At first he was skeptical, but I overcame that by going thru my process of discovery. "You would have made an excellent detective, Maura. I'll let you know when I find something."

I barely sleep that night knowing we are so close but still nowhere near getting Jane back. The next day at work, the commissioner informs me that due to my involvement in undercover work, he has authorized me to carry a weapon provided I pass the exams; he winks and hands me my weapon and the certificates of completion. Apparently I don't have to actually do the exams for whatever his reasons are.

Another day passes and I finally get information from Frost. Apparently, Dominic has been sending money to his father on a regular basis, along with 'gifts'. After questioning the nature of the gifts, it appears Dominic is quite taken with his work. Unfortunately, he is not seen or heard on the discs. Asking about the make up of the videos, Frost describes them to be a compilation of 'peeping Tom' exerts. Well at least he is capitalizing on his skills.

Moran had also finds tidbits of information but Dominic was cunning enough to cover his tracks. His drivers license had a picture of someone with similar characteristics to let it pass for daily use but it wasn't him. Even the address was a fake; a condemned home. Apparently his company is a PO box, which I found out is not uncommon in 'the industry'. And there was no record or debt to be found under this name. The lack of information is maddening as its enough to get your attention but not enough to act on.

Charles and Moran come over that evening and we try to devise what our plan is for meeting with Dominic. It's agreed that by no means can I be in his visual vicinity so we make an alternative plan, for me, that involves me still being at the club in case Jane is there. In the end, we decide that I will pose as a regular patron and we make arrangements for other female officers to accompany me for a 'girls night'.

The next day goes by and I'm convinced I'm losing my mind. What am I going to do if this isn't Dominic? I've invested everything in this being him; I don't think I can handle it if we we are wrong. But I also know can't afford to think this way.

I don't go into work on Wednesday. Instead I stay home and go thru all my evidence. When I can't take it anymore, I call my mother and Angela to catch up but not let them know what I am doing this evening. Why get their hopes up? Instead I will focus on how it was a good decision to leave Boston, for my health.

"Maura dear, I'm so happy you called. Are you doing anything special for Halloween?" Angela asks. She always astonishes me in how she can treat her adult offspring as if they are still very young children.

"Angela, you know it's a day that is supposed to be for harvesting crops and honoring the dead, right? It was not a day to run around playing dress up, drinking, begging for candy, and, in general, making a fool of yourself". She laughs at me.

Charles and Moran pick me up at 9 as the bar isn't far from my home. When we get there we casually work the area noting all the characters. It isn't long before the other female officers arrive; there are three. As I split off from Charles and Moran to go play my new role, Charles whispers to me that everything will be alright and kisses my cheek.

"I had no idea that Wednesday nights was marketed towards lesbians. And it's so festive. I wish I had known". The officers giggle at me and one covers my hand with her own to comfort me.

A few drinks later and I am actually having a descent time. Well, as good as it can be given that I wish I knew what was going on in the VIP room with Dominic. "I think I'm going to go freshen up". I start for the restroom, running all the possible outcomes thru my head in order to occupy my nervous energy. As I round the dark corner for the restroom, I run directly into another woman and we fall. It's one of the employees and apparently she twisted her ankle.

"I'm so sorry. Are you alright? Are you hurt?" I ask as I help her from the ground.

"I think I'm ok, but I don't know how I'm going to dance tonight" she looks up at me with a smile of relief.

"I'm a doctor. Maybe I could help? Do you have an employee locker room?"

"Yeah sure. And thanks!" she smiles at me appreciatively.

I get her to a bench before I start looking her ankle over. It appears to just be a minor sprain. "You're right. I don't think you'll be dancing on this tonight. I'm so sorry. I hope this doesn't put you in a rough position".

"Actually I'm pretty happy I can't and feel that I should thank you" she smiles brightly.

"I'm not sure what that means. Are you unhappy with your career? You know you should take an an Advil and ice that before it swells much more". The girl waves me off, still caught up in her happy place.

"I like what I do, don't get me wrong. It's good money. I just don't like working days when this fella is here". I watch her face become solemn at the thought of this patron and immediately hope it's Dominic.

"There are undesirables everywhere unfortunately. Let me help you. Where are your street clothes?"

She waves me to her locker and I retrieve her clothes. When she comes back from the changing room, she tells me she dropped her mask in our collision. Not wanting her to hurt herself further, I offer to go retrieve it for her. Retracing our steps, I'm amazed at the line for the women's room. Then again, the establishment is 90% female occupants tonight so I'm not surprised. I work my way to the offending doorway and find it hard to see in the darkness. I look for what feels like five minutes. Just when I'm about to give up, Kenny is crouching in front of me picking up the mask.

"Hi Melissa! I didn't think you came tonight" he beams at me as he hands me the mask.

"Oh yeah. I'm having a girls night in celebration of Halloween. How are you?" giving him the best impression of a moderately intelligent woman that I can muster.

"I'm fine, thanks. I was coming back to find out what was taking the dancer so long. Dominic is getting antsy".

"Oh I saw one of them come out but she had a wardrobe malfunction. She dropped this mask and I was going to try and find her to return it. I can relay the message if you like".

That was all it took. Kenny smiled at me and turned to make his way back to Dominic. As I enter the room where I left the bars employee, I see her speaking to her manager. He's not happy she can't perform tonight. "Excuse me, but here is the mask you were looking for" and I hand it to the girl, as I try to figure out how I can take her place. "By chance were you to perform in the VIP lounge tonight?" that gets their attention.

It takes me a few minutes but I convince the owner to 'do me a favor' by letting me take the girls place. At first he didn't like the idea, but I conceded that I would give all monies I received in tips to him. That settled, my reason for doing this when he asked? I want to spice up my sex life with Charles.

Fortunately we find a costume that fits. It's at bit revealing for my taste and the fabric is cheap but it covers my face. Now with a new sense of purpose, I leave the locker room and head to what I am begging to be the Dominic.

I follow the directions to the VIP lounge the manager gives me. The dancers take an alternative route, so for the most part I'm separated from the patrons. As I approach the curtained entrance, I stop to calm my nerves before entering. I reach out to part the curtain when I hear a woman's voice approaching from within. I continue making my way into the room when I feel another hand on mine and a woman quickly pushes past me. The feel was unmistakable. I would know that feeling anywhere. Getting thru my shock, I look up but only see her back. "Jane?" I say, but it's overpowered by the music the club is playing in the main area.


	9. Where's Jane?

**Fair warning. This chapter is all over the place and Jane is out of her mind. It's not for the innocent of heart.**

* * *

I hear a familiar voice, but only just; the music is very loud. It's Maura! But before I turn around, I push myself to continue forward to the restroom without pause. Remembering her only brings pain, both mental and physical. Dominic showed me that. He loves me. He takes care of me. Usually the medicine keeps her away from my thoughts. Maybe I need more. It's too dangerous to think on my own. I'll ask Dominic when I return. I have to get back and soon. I don't want to upset him. He said he would hurt my family if I betrayed him. Not that they care that I'm alive. But I can't let that happen. I don't like Dominic hurting other people. I have to be quick. I have to keep him happy. If he's happy, I'm happy. I have to hurry. He's the only one that loves me, no one else cares.

* * *

The woman doesn't stop. Maybe my mind is playing tricks with me. I shouldn't have let my emotions cloud my reason. In no way would Dominic let Jane roam free. That would imply Jane is so far gone she has adopted his fantasy as her own. I'm sick at the thought, so I turn my attentions back on identifying this Dominic person and getting back out undetected.

I take another deep breathe and continue thru the curtains towards the platform. I'm shaken by what happened with that woman just now but push it away. I don't have the time to ponder such wishful thinking right now.

I begin my dance slowly, acclimating to the space and song before looking up at my audience. I'm scared as I feel eyes on my exposed skin. 'What if they recognize me?' I begin to look for Charles, changing my moves so as to not to draw attention to what I am doing. There are about eight persons in here; three are women.

When I spot Charles, he is laughing and conversing with a man who is sitting side to me. Charles sitting back on the couch, finally looks my way. Thank goodness he doesn't seem to recognize me as he returns his attention back to the conversation. The fact that Charles doesn't recognize me gives me new found strength and I continue in my dance. Working my way back around the room, I only recognize Kenny and Moran.

A new song begins and I see the curtain part to let someone in. 'Please don't let that be someone to relieve me' I wish to myself. It's not but it is the woman from earlier.

I watch as she makes her way over to where Charles is. She's tall, probably five nine, very thin, and has dark, curly hair cut short in one of those more contemporary, emo styles. I notice her movements seem off, she's very much intoxicated, but a mask is hiding her face preventing me from definitively knowing if it's Jane or not. When she reaches her destination, she sits nearly on top of the man, that is still side to me, and leans into him to whisper in his ear. He seems to find her funny while he pulls something from his pocket to hand to her. Taking it from him, she points in my direction and kisses him on the mouth.

There's no way this can be Jane! I am falling apart inside. Most of this woman's features match that of Jane but I refuse to believe what I am seeing. Staying away from distraction, I find comfort in thinking that this is just an actress from one of this man's many films and her similarities are all there are.

I loose myself in my thoughts and don't realize it when another dancer comes to relieve me. Apparently, I am out of it enough that I am I unphased when she gets on the platform with me. The next thing I become aware of is the girl grinding on my back side and arms snaking around my waist, thighs, and breast. Next, I'm getting turned and bent in several positions portraying different sexual positions. Our audience is loving it and I realize all eyes are on the two of us, their conversations pausing.

"This is my chance". I turn the tables on my fellow dancer and move to take control. I turn to face her and she kisses me. It's a stage kiss but convincing enough that a few men approach our platform to put money in our garters. I play to our strengths and spin her away from me; bending us forward and in half, my hand on the back of her neck to keep her in position. As I go to stand straight, I dramatically flip my hair behind me as I simultaneously thrust my hips into the dancers rear and we both moan. I look at the table and stutter; it's Dominic!

'Poker face Maura. You have to keep a poker face'.

My mind feels like its going to explode at keeping myself in character. I look to the woman next to him and know its Jane. 'Oh my God! She's so broken' I feel tears forming and I start to falter. The dancer sensing the change in me stands and faces me, running her hands down my back to end in a hearty squeeze of my rear.

This sounds weird but I could really kiss this girl for blocking my view these few moments.

The song begins to end and I realize I must leave or blow my cover. I hop off the platform and begin to start for the exit when a hand wraps around my waist and pulls me back into the person it belongs to. I look down and see the 'Jane' scar on the hand that holds me. I nearly faint. To have her touch me and be so broken, I feel sick. Jane turns me around to face her, she no longer has the mask. Her expression tells me she's aroused but something is wrong. I look away not able to look at a face I no longer recognize. I feel her start to tilt my head up and I let her. She smiles; it's not hers. Nothing but this body is her.

In my peripheral I see her holding a pill. She is offering it to me but I shake my head no. I can't afford to not be of the right mind if I'm to get her out of here. "All the more for me" she whispers in my ear as her hands begin to roam downward from my shoulders to my breasts. As she leans back and wraps her right arm around my waist, as she discreetly pops the pill in her mouth. She looks back at Dominic and he nods his head at her. At that, she returns her attention back to me; clearly happy to have his approval.

As I retreat in my mind, desperate for rational thought, Jane begins grinding on me. I'm utterly confused as to what is happening and what to do. I shut my eyes, trying to keep my mind focused on finding a way to get us out of this. A few times she pauses, usually between songs, and I notice she doesn't move until Dominic nods at her again.

By the number of songs that pass, I surmise that I've been dancing with Jane for thirty minutes before she decides she for a change. She grabs me by the hand and guides me towards the couch where Dominic is sitting. My legs brush passed his as she pulls me to the corner between Dominic and Charles; my skin crawls at the touch. Jane sits and pulls me on top of her in one motion.

'I'm trapped!' Janes hands pull me closer to her core before they and her lips begin to wander feverishly all over me. I hear Dominic laugh at the display as Charles asks him why he is letting Jane act like this in front of him. "I am only jealous of Jane with other men. Besides, it's been a long time since we've gone out. It's a reward. For us both actually" he returns with a slap on Charles' leg and a knowing glance.

I wince and Jane takes it as a request to further her exploration. She holds the back of my neck and pulls me into a heated kiss. At first I get lost in the feeling having wanted her for so long. Then I remember this is not Jane, not my Jane. I break away from the kiss acting like I need air. I turn my head to look for Charles as I feel her hand start to move under the bottom of my costume towards my sex; I can't hold back the moan as she circles my clit. To insinuate I'm in shock would be an understatement.

I pull myself together enough to open my eyes and am staring straight into Charles' eyes. I glare thru the eye openings of the mask, willing him to do something. "Is the washroom thru there? I think I gotta break the seal, my friend" he directs to Dominic and he gives a one thousand watt smile. He leaves and I feel defeated.

Jane continues her ministrations and grabs my left hand pulling it towards her own sex. Dominic catches sight of this and forcefully pulls me off her by my hair. It hurt but thankfully I didn't loose my mask. "Jane!" he demands. She looks up and what I see is awful. She folds in on herself, assuming the fetal position, and is visibly shaking.

I don't try to pull away from Dominic, knowing it would only anger him further. Instead I look away from Jane, over to Moran pleading for help with my eyes. I believe he recognizes me and I see a slight turn of his head indicating the need for me to not blow cover.

Before I can blink, Dominic yanks me high in the air only to slam my back, hard, against the coffee table. Some glasses had been on it and were now broke on or in me at contact. I cry out and he punches me in my diaphragm before letting my hair go finally.

Gasping for air, he turns his attentions on Jane and backhands her without one word. I can't believe it. She just takes it, doesn't even try to fight back. "Did I give you permission to do that?" he demands of her and points at me. "No. I'm sorry. I needed to be punished. Thank you" she responds cowering in the corner of the couch.

'This is it, my new worst nightmare'. I begin to breathe and start mentally assessing my injuries before I move; hoping he forgot about me. I determine I have some cuts on my arms and at least one shard of glass penetrating my lower back. 'I'm compromised'.

I look at what is available around me that I can use and notice most of the other people that were in the room have left; only Kenny and Moran are left. Without consideration for my own well being, I grab a beer bottle from the floor and ram the broken end into Dominic's groin. He turns and punches me in the jaw before Moran pulls his gun on Dominic. Jane, confused, throws herself infront of Dominic shielding him from Moran and me, begging us to not hurt him.

From the back curtain entrance, the three female officers enter with pistols drawn. One cuffs Kenny and drops him to his knees. The one that comforted me earlier, moves to help me up when Jane smacks me so hard the mask finally comes off. At the sight of my face, she changes to what can only be described as a rabid animal. She launches herself at me, snarling with anger, before being caught by the female officer.

Dominic quickly grabs me by the neck and begins strangling the life from me. I hear Jane in the background, encouraging him and I know I have to fight him to fix her. There's a lot of yelling in the room, but all I care about is what's in my boot. I reach down, thankful they are mid thigh, and feel the cool steal of my newly LAPD issued pistol. 'I will never again not have a weapon on my person' I tell myself. My vision blurs and I know I have little time. I pull the the firearm out, happy it doesn't require cocking when a bullet's already chambered, push the muzzle into Dominic's side and simultaneously pull the trigger.

I don't hear the gun go off, my brain only hears Janes cries. "NO! What are you doing. You crazy bitch. I'll kill you if I break free!".

'My Jane is gone'.

* * *

**Back to work tomorrow. I tried to get out as much as I could this weekend in the case I am unable to update until next weekend. I will update as I can. I hope I've given enough closure for a little bit.**


	10. Aftermath

**Glad to finally get this out. I found this chapter difficult to write as I wanted it to be somewhat choppy like Maura's mind in the aftermath. I will work on more updates this weekend! **

* * *

I remain in the pile I landed in after shooting Dominic; stunned at what transpired. I look to Jane. She continues to struggle to break free from her restraints; glaring at me. Her look pulls my focus.

"Maura?...Maura! Can you hear me?" Charles says worriedly, as he rushes over to me to assess my injuries. "I think she's in shock!" he exclaims to the others.

Janes features change to shock as Charles says my name. Her struggles falter as he touches my shoulder, trying to get my attention.

"Charles, can you help me up, please?" I ask wanting only to get to Jane.

I slowly make my way the eight feet to where Jane is and she stills. Her eyes grow wide and watch as I bring my hand up to touch the face I once memorized. She's so thin, too thin; her cheeks gaunt. "I love you Jane" I confess as my thumb lightly traces her cheek bone. Her eyes narrow as she registers my words. 'I can't imagine what you've been thru', I think to myself as I say, "I'm sorry".

"Are you real?" she asks with the sorrow of someone who has asked that question many times only to be disappointed every time.

"Yes" I respond bringing my free hand to her face to mirror the other.

We have a brief moment before the room is filling with paramedics and officers. Jane becomes torn as paramedics begin to work on Dominic. Her eyes dart between he and I, confused.

Moran takes control of the scene and commands that Jane and I be taken out of the room for paramedic evaluation in the ambulances out front. At that two paramedics begin to usher us thru the room; Jane starting to visibly shiver the further we go.

Exiting the VIP Lounge, Jane strains her neck to keep watch on Dominic until it is no longer possible. I understand it's the Stockholm Syndrome that's causing her to act like this but it makes it no less hard to see. "He's in defib. Paddles, charge to 300. Clear!" the paramedics announce as we are nearly thru the next room.

Jane snaps at the words, her indoctrination overtaking her once more. She has no trouble escaping this time, as the officer had relaxed her grip when Jane had calmed moments ago. I move to grab Jane before she gets past me. "Don't touch me!" she screams as she pushes me away. I recover quickly, fueled by protectiveness, to watch her stumble. "It burns!" she says in pain as she runs her hands along where I had tried to grab her. She stumbles once more and falls to her hands and knees.

An automatic response, I am by her side before I realize I had moved. She tries to get up and I reach out to steady her when I feel how hot and sweaty she is. "Jane you need to calm down sweetheart" I try to soothe as I keep my hand firmly, yet reassuringly, on her back.

"I have to watch my movies." Jane says as she turns her head to see me. Her eyes are out of focus.

"PARAMEDIC!" I scream without a second thought. The two escorting us kneel beside me. "I think she has overdosed on Ecstasy".

"Why do you say that?" he asks leaning down to help me roll Jane on her back so we can inspect her more thoroughly. Jane doesn't struggle and I worry more.

"The man they are working on in the other room has been drugging her with an IV MDMA, ketamine cocktail. An hour ago, I witnessed her extreme intoxication followed by a self dosed Ecstasy tablet" I pause. "She's showing early signs of hyperthermia. Elevated body temperature, perspiration, dizziness, and confusion following a struggle with an officer that was restraining her".

The paramedic begins to work quickly, agreeing with my observations, and calls for additional assistance. More paramedics rush in the front door. Within minutes they have an IV drip running and Jane on a stretcher. "Thank you for tucking me in" she says to the men as she moves her wrists indicating the restraints.

"Do you think what she is saying is relevant?" Charles asks Maura as Jane is being loaded in the ambulance.

"I don't know but it is possible" I look up at him dreading the thoughts that threaten to break thru. "If he did, I hope he rots in hell!" I finish as I look back at Jane.

"Dr Isles, we have an ambulance for you over there" the driver of Jane's ambulance points out.

"Thank you, but I do not intend to let Jane out of my sight. I will ride with her" I say as I step up into the ambulance to sit with Jane. Me leaving her is not up for conversation.

The paramedic moves to stop me but Charles blocks him. The two talk and I see the paramedic nod before turning back to me. "You have a good friend here. This is against protocol but I don't care as long as neither of you experience any more trauma tonight. Take care of yourselves" he ends as he shuts the door with an empathic smile.

At the hospital we are swarmed by medical professionals as soon as the ambulance pulls to the door. Jane is rushed into a room while a few persons try to persuade me to go to my own. I refuse. I refuse treatment and refuse their requests to wait in the hall. I'm certain that if I leave Jane's orbit I will loose my emotional battle, so I watch from the corner.

"How is she?" Charles asks when the staff finally let him in the ER to see me.

"Her vitals are stable for now but she has a long road to recovery ahead of her" I respond. I'm Dr. Isles right now, disconnected and clinical.

"How are you?" he asks, now facing me and holding my shoulders.

"Ask me that in a few days".

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not right now".

"If you do, I'm here for you" he pauses. "I thought you would want to know. I called your mother".

"Thank you Charles. I had no idea what to tell her" I pull my eyes to Charles to show my appreciation before quickly retuning to Jane.

"Constance said she will call Angela for you so that you can try to rest tonight".

"More good news" I answer with a smile but keep my eyes trained on Jane. "I don't think I'll be resting anytime soon though".

"She also said to expect the Rizzoli's and your parents tomorrow morning. Maura?"

"Yes"

"Will you let someone look you over if I get them to do it here?".

"Only if they do it here" I demand. "Thank you".

I keep watch over Jane for six hours before she's finally moved to the psychiatric ward for observation. Watching thru the two way mirror, I watch her wake a couple hours later. I hold my breath waiting to see her reaction to this room. At first she gazes around in confusion before pulling her knees to her chest. I turn the sound on and hear her crying and tears well up in my eyes. 'I'm so, so sorry it took me so long to find you', I scold myself as I place my hand on the window. I'd give anything to be able to go in there and soothe her; however, the physicians won't allow it. Not until she detoxes and we find out what happened to her. So for now, I will watch and silently fight for her.

Detective Moran comes to find me around 9 AM. "Dr Isles? How are you doing?".

"I'm not sure, to be honest?" I answer not looking away from Jane.

"We were able to break Kenny in interrogation last night" he pauses. "We have the address of the house Jane was kept".

"Have you gone there?" I question.

"Not yet; was on my way. I wanted to tell you in person" he continued as his gaze finally turns towards Jane. "Three years..." he finishes.

"Yeah..." I curtly answer. "Three years of me having my head up my ass, failing her" frustration pouring out of me.

"Maura. That's not fair. You had no information indicating either of them were even alive".  
I take a deep breath, "sorry. I'm angry. At everything and everyone right now"

"That's alright, I understand" he answers as his phone starts to ring. "I have to take this. I'll keep you informed of what we find".

As the door shuts behind him, my emotions start to churn testing my remaining resolve. Just as my fatigue begins to fuel my failure to keep my emotions at bay, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I see in my peripheral it's Angela. She looks to Jane before turning her attention fully to me. I feel the strength of her gaze and turn to face her. She's been crying; her eyes are red and puffy. We say nothing to each other.

"Maura?" I hear Moran return. "He's alive".


	11. My soul cries for you

My mother rushes into the room from behind Moran to pull me into a tight embrace. I collapse into her, the emotions of the last 24 hours washing over me.

"It'll be alright Maura. Everything will turn out alright" she soothes as I begin to cry for the first time since I found Jane. My mind races from disappointment at not killing Dominic, to relief of not murdering anyone, to calculating how to finish the job.

"Your mother is right Maura. It'll all work out" Angela chimes in as she places her hand on my shoulder.

As soon as the words are out, my emotions flash to anger towards Angela. "You can't be serious" I spit as I turn around to face her. Startled she steps back but I follow. "You have no idea how broken she is" I begin to jab her with my forefinger in the sternum to make my point. "Hoyt haunted Jane but Dominic destroyed her. So don't tell me it will all work out" I finish with Angela backed against a wall. I turn back towards my mother, my eyes shut, disgusted with everything.

"Maura how can you say that? All I ever prayed for was Jane to come back to us" her voice begins to change from sorrow to vengeful. "It would have been too easy an end to Dominic should he have died last night. No. He needs to suffer for what he's done". Shocked, I glance back at Angela.

The door opens to reveal Jane's psychologist and I'm grateful for the distraction. "I'm Dr Fisher, I will be in charge of Janes care during her stay, at the request of a Dr. Isles" he looks to me and gives a friendly wink.

"Thank you for flying to Los Angeles for me" I shake his hand in gratitude.

"My pleasure. Now before we begin I need assurance that that my instructions will be followed to the letter. Will there be an issue?" he pauses and we three nod our agreement. "I have reviewed information sent to me from the Boston Police Department regarding her last psych profile before the incident as well as evidence concerning the abduction...

Now I want to be transparent. Stockholm Syndrome, in this advanced stage, will be difficult to treat; both for Jane and her loved ones. As such, we will need to proceed cautiously until we have more of an idea what she has gone thru these past three years; the LAPD will keep me informed of any relevant evidence.

So for now, we will wait until her body is rid of these drugs in her system. I believe that her condition is largely due to the drugs she has been given as they have been proven to turn off the flight or fight instinct, cause hallucinations, and increase susceptibility to suggestion. With these influencers gone, I should have a better idea of what we are dealing with regarding treatment" he finishes as he leaves.

Seconds later the door to Jane's room opens and Dr Fisher steps inside. I hold my breath expecting her to lash out like she did in the club. Instead she begins to pull to the far corner of the bed, folding in on herself, but keeping watch of the doctor. Fisher stays just inside the door, pausing to take note of Janes reaction to him in her room. "Hello Jane. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Dr Fisher. I'll be taking care of you while your a resident here with us" he finishes. Jane doesn't change and Dr Fisher leaves.

When the door closes behind him, Jane rushes over to make sure it's secure. Happy with her findings she sprints back to the bed and tries to move it. It's bolted to the floor. Giving up, she crawls under it and curls into a ball. I turn the sound back on to hear her reciting something but she's too quiet to make out what is being said. We three watch her in silence until quiet finally comes as Jane falls asleep.

I feel my mothers stare before I turn to see eyes silently weeping for me. She reaches to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Maura, honey. You need to eat and rest. The nurses told me you have been keeping watch since she was brought in last night".

"I can't leave. Not now. She needs me" I answer with desperation in my voice. I turn back to Jane.

"Maura, look at me" and I feel her hand start to coax my attention back to her.

"If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to help her when she needs you. Please let me take care of you for a few hours at least" she begs. "I'll bring you right back and sit with you for as long as you like. Please Maura".

"Mother, what happens if she needs me while I'm gone. She'll feel abandoned again. I can't leave. It's selfish" I try to reason.

"Maura, look at her. She's asleep. Please come home with me, even if it's just for a shower and a meal. That's all I ask".

After mothers near fatal car accident, she has made huge strides towards sharing her feelings with me. For her to be begging me, I must have really given her a fright. "Fine. I'll go but if I fail her again I won't be able to live with myself and you'll have two people in this ward" I finish as I look between Angela and my mother.

As we leave the observation room, I find that Frankie and Tommi have been in the hallway the whole time. I hug them both and they thank me for saving Jane, both with tears in their eyes. The boys promise to call me immediately should something change with Jane and I promise to be gone only long enough for a meal and shower.

* * *

Mother and I drive back to the condo in silence. I realize as I watch the scenery pass, my mother hasn't let go of me since she came into the room this morning.

"Mother, are you ok?" I ask.

"I'm alright. Charles nearly scared the life from me when he called in the middle of the night. I'm just happy your safe" she finishes as she gives a squeeze to my hand she's been holding.

When we get back to the condo, father meets us in the parking garage and pulls me into a tight embrace. When he pulls back he wipes his eyes and smiles at me. At his reaction I'm left speechless. I've never seen my father act like this. "I'm so happy your alright my dear" he says as he leans in to kiss my cheek. "I just came from the LAPD. I was on my way to the hospital when I got a text you were on your way here" he beams at me as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and we start for the condo.

Inside lunch is waiting for us, courtesy of my fathers assistant. As everyone sits to eat, conversation pauses allowing my mind to wander back to Jane once more. I push food around my plate which doesn't go unnoticed. "Darling, where are you right now?" father asks. I don't hear him, my mind obsessing on my not being at the hospital for Jane. He softly touches my arm, pulling my focus back to the here and now.

I can't help myself, I'm exhausted both mentally and physically. Emotions festering for three years violently collide with new ones of the last 24 hours. As I look at my parents, I feel racked with guilt and drop my head in my hands; my whole body crying out for what has been lost.

My father lifts and carries me to my bed. Not wanting to leave me, father lays down and I lay my head on his chest; cuddling in. My mother, lays on the other side of father lying her head opposite mine; our foreheads touching. As she runs her hand thru my hair, exhaustion finally catches up to me. I start to drift off, still crying, when my phone begins to ring.


	12. It's all in the evidence

"Dr Isles phone. This is John" fathers assistant answers my phone.

"This is Detective Moran, a colleague of Dr Isles. Please tell her evidence was found that she will want to see once we process it. It will be available tomorrow morning".

"Thank you. I will let her know as soon as she wakes".

I unintentionally sleep thru the night. When I wake, I find my parents never moved and are still resting. I gaze at them, appreciative of the huge strides they are making at being better parents for me. I ease off the bed so that I can go to the kitchen to check my phone. I find John making breakfast.

"Dr Isles, good morning. You received one phone call in the night".

'Oh no! I knew I shouldn't have come home' I scold myself.

I start to turn back to go to my bedroom but John stops me. "Dr Isles. It was Detective Moran on the phone. He says there is evidence you will want to see that will be available this morning". I turn back and nod my thanks before heading to my purse to retrieve my phone. As I pull it out, "Also, I called to check on Ms Rizzoli last night and this morning. She was given a sedative and has slept peacefully during the time you have been gone" he finishes as he turns back to his skillet.

My parents are awake when I return to my room. They hug and kiss me after agreeing to take me to the station and the hospital today; mother still insists on staying with me. We get ready and eat the breakfast John prepared before leaving for the station.

I give my parents the ten cent tour and leave them in my office while I hunt down Moran. "Dr Isles" Moran says as I enter the drug unit. I turn to see him standing with detectives from Missing Persons. He leaves them and walks towards me; his face neutral. "Good you got the message I left last night".

"Yes, John told me this morning after I woke. What did you find?"

"It's along the lines of what you found in Dominic's apartment when Detective Rizzoli was kidnapped".

"Alright. So more videos and drugs?"

"It's the nature of the videos which are disturbing. I have the evidence in one of the conference rooms if you will follow me. It would be easier if I showed you".  
He doesn't add anything as we go into the conference room. Instead he waits until the door is shut behind us to continue. He starts by recaping the evidence that was found by the BPD and my theories I had told him leading up to finding Jane. Finished he moves to the television and hits play on the DVD player.

On the screen is a fight Jane and I had one evening when she had come to my home to apologize for shooting Paddy Doyle, my biological father. It was difficult to watch. Her face after I shut the door on her was heart wrenching. 'I waisted so much time' I think to myself.

As Jane is getting in her car, another clip pops on. This time it's Angela fussing with Jane about how dangerous her job is. Before the next clip, Moran pauses the disc and turns to me. "The whole disc is like this".

"Really?"

"Dominic named this one Breaking Bad".

"That's weird. The content of the show is nothing like Janes situation".

"That we know of Doc. Aside from that, I don't think he meant the content as much as the title" he says as he picks up another DVD. "This DVD shows Rizzoli being drugged and forced to watch 'Breaking Bad' on a continuous loop".

"Why would he record that?" I ask even though I'm scared to know the answer.

"You should probably sit" he motions to a chair. "It appears he recorded everything".

My mind flashes back to watching the prerecording of Dominic raping Jane the day she was abducted. At the thought, I run to the garbage bin and loose my breakfast. Moran stays in place trying to give me space to compose myself as I process this information.

I take a few minutes but I pull myself together and take my seat again. With a nod from me, he continues. "And in case you were wondering, Rizzoli was not part of his Porno videos. They seem to be a series of Peeping Tom vids of unsuspecting persons...What a mess".

"Have you given these updates to Dr Fisher?" I ask.

"Yes. He has requested that we transcribe the clips, rather than watch them at this time".

"One more thing. Have you watched them all?".

"No. There are more than one hundred discs. So far I have selected only those with titles. The others are more like surveillance footage so I only checked a few for general content so far".

"Anything else new?"

"Umm, yes. It appears that Rizzoli has been restrained for much of the three years, until recently".

"What changed?"

"Three months ago, on August 18, Dominic showed her two newspaper articles that were in the announcement section. Her reaction after seems to suggest she gave up and gave into him. She wasn't restrained again after that. I checked two of then surveillance discs to confirm my finding".

"I know what was in that paper he showed her" my breath hitches before I can continue. "Was that footage on a titled DVD?".

"Yes. Happily Ever After. Why".

"It was my engagement announcement".

"That's not so bad".

"And Janes funeral announcement" I state as I leave the conference room to find my parents so we can get to the hospital. I've been away from Jane much too long.

"I'll keep you updated as we learn knew information. I'm going to need your help to translate some of this" Moran calls after me as I walk thru the bullpen. I wave my hand but do not turn around; I'm on a mission.

We head straight to the hospital; father offering to go get lunch for us after dropping mother and I at the main entrance. Out of the car, I rush straight to Janes room. Dr Fisher is just outside the door.

"Dr Fisher, I understand the detectives have given you an update?".

"Yes they have. And I understand I should thank you for helping Moran decipher a trigger event". I freeze.

"What is he talking about Maura?" mother asks as she steps around me, into my view.

"Dominic showed Jane my engagement and her funeral announcements on the same day".

"Oh..." she covers her mouth and steps beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder for support.

"I also have additional items that Moran didn't tell you" he pauses and waves to a bench a short ways down the corridor. "Did you know Jane kept a journal?".

"No, but it is a common way people work thru daily struggles. So given her line of work, it makes sense..." Fisher cuts me off, with the raise of his hand between us.

"Maura relax, you need to know this. Dominic took her journal well before the abduction. I have reviewed it as part of my research into her profile before the abduction. Did you know she was in love with you?".

My jaw drops. "No. No I did not".

"Can you now see why she reacted the way she did when she saw those articles? And the way she did when she realized it was you in the club she had been engaging with and not a masked stranger?".

"Yes" I can't look at him anymore, anything really, so I shut my eyes.

"There's one more thing".

"I don't know if I can take much more today" I whisper.

"You need to hear this because of what Jane has been chanting off and on again the last 24 hours".

"Alright" I brace myself by gripping the front of the bench, by my knees, with both hands and look to Dr Fisher again.

"We don't know why or for how long. It appears that DVD Moran showed you called Breaking Bad was used in conjunction with the drug cocktail, street named Kitty Flipping, to rewrite Janes perception of herself and her loved ones. A majority focus is on you".

"What do you mean, 'on me'?"

"Dominic knew from Janes journal she loved you. So, 75% of Breaking Bad is you confronting Jane in a negative way; in some strong instances they were duplicated".  
I robotically stand and head for the door to Janes observation room as I hear my mother thank Fisher and rush to catch up to me. I open the door and see the three Rizzoli's are still here. They look up as mother and I walk in.

"Hey Maura" Frankie chimes. "I'm glad you got some rest, you were looking rough yesterday when we got here" he smiled. I had always loved Frankie. He was so genuine and without ulterior motives. "Hey Ma, what do you say we go freshen up now that Maura and Constance are here to keep an eye on Janie?".

Angela agrees with no argument, pulling Tommy from his seat she tells me they will be back later tonight. The room now emptier, mother pulls up a chair next to me and moves to hold my hand in hers. I look at Jane. She's on the bed curled on her side; hugging her knees, reciting something again. I turn and smile at mother for giving me the support I need as I turn the sound on for Janes room.

"I hurt the people I love. Dominic is the only that loves me. He helps me be good. Maura would never love me, I'd only get her killed".


	13. Interlude

**This is a short one. I thought it was important to understand what Maura will be up to in the coming chapters.**

* * *

I walk out into the corridor on a mission; Dr Fisher is still sitting on the bench where I left him minutes ago.

"I thought you might have another question" he says as he continues to look out the window across from him.

"Why does Jane think she would get me killed?" I ask as I retake my seat next to him.

"Well, that is something we will have to find thru her therapy" he states while still staring out the window.

"Jeff, I've know you since Med School, you always have theories. Are you telling me that was the best answer you could give me right now?".

"No. But it depends on if your in love with Jane as well".

"I don't follow. How do my feelings factor into Janes therapy?" I inquire as I turn to look at him intently.

"I did say we, which included you being involved in her therapy. Unless you're telling me you're not in love with her".

"I didn't say that but I don't see relevance".

"It is relevant, very much so really, for what your part will be".

"And that is?"

He turns to me before answering, "understand she hasn't had to face her emotions since Dominic started dosing her. As such, the detox process will be intense as those feelings start to come back. I am a stranger, whereas, you were the one person she completely shared herself with and trusted. She will get confused about how to react to her feelings again; especially when she starts facing what has happened to her. You will help her translate them" he paused to let me process his request. "You have to be able to understand why she is reacting the way she is and help her translate her feelings in a healthy way".

"Jeff, why the pomp and circumstance. You could have just said she will need my help. But to be honest, I'm not sure she'll take it after what happened at the club".

"Oh, I have a feeling the subconscious Jane will run to you for help. We just have to get that Jane to take the forefront" he finishes as he hands me a brown envelope.

"Why do I need this?" I ask as I hold the package up and wave it at him.

He stands and smoothes out the wrinkles in his coat before turning back to me. "Because you my dear, have to become familiar with what happened to Jane".

He starts to walk away as I open the envelope. I pull out a video and notebook; turning them over to see the DVD is Dominic's Breaking Bad and deduce the notebook to be Janes journal. "Ugh, Jeff?" I panic and stand so as to follow him.

He turns back to look at me, "your in love with her right?".

"But I don't think that I can handle this. I thought you meant getting updates from Moran's team like yourself".

"Oh, you will do this because you have to, no one else can. Unless you don't intend to get any of the old Jane back" and with that he turned and rounded the corner leading out of this corridor.

I sit there a few moments before putting the items back in the envelope and returning to Janes observation room. Mother is nestled in the corner reading a book, looking up as she hears me come in. "Everything alright?" she hurries over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I hope it will be" I say looking into my mothers eyes for the first time since she arrived yesterday.


	14. The Start

The Rizzoli's and my family fall into a routine, the Rizzoli's keeping watch at night and the Isles the day. I used the time when my family returns to the condo to review Dominic's recordings, so as not to disturb anyone else with it, while I reviewed the journal when Jane naps during the day.

The DVD was just as disturbing as when I first saw it at the station. Watching it thru several times over the course of a few nights, made me realize how strong and smart Jane was to give into Dominic's fantasy world. The workings of her doing so peaked my interest, so I sequestered additional footage from the days just after the abduction and the three annual anniversaries that followed; approximately 96 hours of footage.

Straight from the beginning, Dominic used brute strength, drugs, and manipulation to get Jane to comply. He liked to repeat that if he couldn't have her no one else would. The few times that Jane struggled, despite the drugs, he would punish her in one of two ways. The most common form was physical of one nature or another. Those parts I couldn't watch and would fast forward shortly after they began; however, I would compare Janes reaction before and after as well as overtime.

The other form of punishment held duel purpose with what I referred to as conditioning. This is where the Breaking Bad video came to play. After her physical punishment and, during the first several months, during the hours he was not 'home', Jane would be strapped to a chair and drugged; forced to watch Breaking Bad.

Understanding the baseline of Dominic's indoctrination of Jane, I turned my interests to the annual changes in Janes behavior. In the first and second year videos, I could tell, even thru all that Dominic had done to her, Jane was still thinking her actions thru while playing along with Dominic. Like the initial recording, Jane was bound for much of it but they differed in the obvious steps Jane did to prevent the physical abuse and how in the second year Jane was more compliant, without forethought, than the first year.

The recording of the third year showed Dominic giving Jane a copy of the newspaper that held both my wedding and her funeral announcement. I had seen it once before, so I knew what to expect. But this time, I saw so much more. As Jane briefly read the articles, you could watch the last remnants of hope, she clung to, leave her. Watch as she realizes she's all alone. Watch as the fire within her, that pushed to survive, went out.

Knowing that there were remnants of the old Jane until this last anniversary, was critical. So I turned to Janes journal, trying to find clues as to how her loved ones can convince her of our love and support. The beginning entries were rumblings about being required to keep a journal as part of her PTSD therapy following the initial incident with Hoyt. Then the journal went unused again until the case we had with the BCU Escort ring. The case had bothered Jane because of her time in Vice; it's why she donated her bonus to the victims friend.

As I read on, I found that Jane started writing about her family, partners, and I. At first, this practice started as caveats within Janes attempts to work thru a case. These were usually unrelated notes about about how smart Frost is, how much she appreciated Korsak's concern, how much she disliked Angela's blind eye for Tommy, how much she hated Tommy's infatuation with me, how proud of Frankie she was, and how happy our friendship made her.

It wasn't until we did our undercover work at the lesbian bar did Jane write an entry about her feelings unrelated to a case. Apparently this was spurred on by her being upset about my teasing comment of her not being my type. Confused by her reaction, she started noticing how much we flirted and paying more attention to rumors and comments made about us by loved ones and friends. Everyone around them thought we were a couple. Then I go and exacerbate things when I tell her Ian is the love of my life, asking permission to sleep with her brother, and discussing other conquest decisions. 'God was I blind and insensitive' I think.

My phone rings, "Hello".

"Hello Maura...I'd like to incorporate you into Janes therapy today".

"Really?" I ask. It has been two weeks since Jane was admitted and five of those days were spent in detox.

"Yes, so just remember no touching or talking unless she initiates it with you. Alright?".  
Dr Fisher knocks on the observation room door an hour later and I feel simultaneously excited and scared. Without pause I go to the hall to meet with him before talking with Jane. "Jeff. Are you sure about this? Is it too soon?".

"It might be or might not be. The point of this is to see where we are to establish a baseline".

"But this won't be more harmful?" I ask as he turns to unlock her room.

"Movement in either direction is healthier than the plateau we are on now" he finishes as he opens the door and begins to walk in.

I pause, fear of our last encounter flooding my system. Fear of rejection.

"Dr Fisher, why do you bother?" I hear Jane question in annoyance. My feet, as though pulled to a magnet of opposite charge, is pulled to her voice.

"Jane. You have been thru a trauma. Your loved ones would like to see you but that isn't possible until I'm certain you won't hurt yourself or them" he answers her.

"Does it matter? They all moved on with their lives" she rebuts and thats when I walk in.  
On impulse, "How do you know that to be true?" and I shut the door behind me.  
The room goes quiet. Jane turns to look at me, eyes wide, mouth open. Worried, I stop as I realize I didn't obey Dr Fisher and turn, to look at him; he's smiling. 'He set me up' I think to myself and I give him a frustrated expression.

"Where's your husband?" Jane asks me sarcastically as she stands and walks towards me. "you must tell me about your honeymoon. I want all the details" she says giving me her best socialite impersonation.

I look back to her and soften. "That did not happen".

"Why? You all moved on. I saw the articles. You had my funeral". She dismisses me with a wave and turns her back on me.

"Its a complicated story but there is a common denominator".

"You can leave then because I already know what it is. You pursue men in this quest for the perfect life but always find some strange disease to reason why the relationship can't go further. The commonality is Ian. He's the love of your life; who you will always want. Poor guy. He should at least be happy he got further than most" she spits out.

"Your right" I respond matter of fact.

She turns, eyes aflame with rage. "GET OUT! You don't belong in my life".  
I smile and her anger falters for a moment. "There is one thing that was incorrect with your answer".

"Oh, really. Please elaborate so you can leave and never come back".

"I want you. Always have, always will".


	15. RaW emotions

I left, worried I wouldn't be able to contain myself.

I fall back into my routine of the last couple weeks and find myself in awe of Janes strength. Jane was emotionally hurting before the abduction. She was conflicted about her religious beliefs in relation to her feelings for me. Deeply disturbed by the ending of her parents relationship. And resented her mother for trying to marry her off, for what she interpreted as, the purpose of grandchildren. Worse still, she felt as though she couldn't come to me for help, as she normally would have, because I was too much of the problem. It resulted in deep conflict with hints of suicidal, self destructive thoughts.

'What had I done?' I think to myself.

A total of ten days pass before I'm again invited to one of Janes daily sessions.

Jane's on the bed, as usual, and this time Dr Fisher introduces me before I walk in; trying to avoid Jane going on the defensive. As instructed I follow him in, mindful of my body signals, and take a seat on a chair in the opposite corner from the door and Jane. The room is quiet, somewhat uncomfortable.

"I'd like to clear up a few things today. Let's talk about why Maura is in LA. Shall we Jane?".

"Sure" Jane replies with a flick of her wrist, a gesture that was to seem as though she was dismissing us.

"Maura, would you like to tell Jane how you came to be in LA?" Dr Fisher asks as he pulls a chair to the center of the room so as to keep an eye on both of us.

"I couldn't stand the fact that my life was stolen from me" I answer him.

"And when did you make that conclusion?" he probes.

"When I was told there was going to be a funeral for Jane".

"How did that make you feel?".

"I wanted to burn the world with everyone and everything in it. It was the first actual feeling I had in three years" I answer with anger filling my voice and my hands curling into fists at the recollection.

"Could you please explain?".

"The day of Janes abduction, I was left at the station to watch over Jane and inform Korsak, Frost, and Frankie if anything changed; I didn't want to be anywhere else.

We didn't know at the time that what we were watching was a recording; meant to divert police resources from Dominic's actual movements. It was a very cunning plan," I start as I focus on a mark on the wall; scared to see Janes reaction to what I saw In the recording.

"At first we thought Jane was being held in her apartment, due to the furnishings and set up of the room she was in. Then I realized our mistake and we scrambled to find the actual location.

Both times we thought we had saved her, before something happened to her, and allowed ourselves to feel relief. That is until the guys broke in the second door and I heard the men clearing the rooms on the radio as I watched Dominic enter the room where Jane had been lying unconscious.

Dominic addressed me. Knew I would be watching. Taunted me as I helplessly watched. Saw what he did, what he was capable of". I can't help it. I look to Jane needing to see that she is safe again. She's hugging her knees and her eyes are squinted shut. I continue.

"A Bollo was issued and roadblocks were staged. We were too late. We found out later that a car had been found in Hartford, CT, while we were running around trying to find Jane. The ME there had been running tests on the evidence collected. Janes DNA was identified from the blood found. It painted the inside of the car; the volume too much for any one person to have survived.

People didn't cope well and turned to the evidence for closure. It all seemed surreal. Jane is a hero. She's invincible.

Everything proved Jane did not survive the encounter. I still don't understand, from a scientific standpoint, how she is alive based on what was found" I pause, trying to control myself.

I turn away from Jane so as to hide a tear that escaped and focus back on the spot on the wall. "I couldn't let her go. My mind agreed with the evidence that Jane was gone, but my very being knew she was alive. She needed my help.

Nightmares took over my life and I thought I was going to loose my mind. I started attending group therapy sessions as a request from our families and loved ones. It helped me function but I was changed" I finish, dropping my gaze to my folded hands in my lap.

"How were you changed Maura?" Dr Fisher probes.

Anger flares again and this time I can't hold it back. "I was angry all the time. Considered suicide, in desperation to be with Jane again. The only way I found to control myself was to become numb. That was until the rage resurfaced four months ago; this time, twice as strong as before".

"Why were you angry?".

"I was in a life that was not supposed to be mine. I was back in my old routine of doing what was expected of me; not what I wanted. I was supposed to be with Jane" I turn back to look on Jane, anger giving way to love. "I'm in love with Jane. I have been since I first saw her but was too stupid and scared to figure it out when I could do something about it; wasted so much time" I begin to cry.

"I give in to my pent up emotions because science and fact failed me so terribly. By happenstance, I caught hold of evidence on its way to Cold Case storage and Los Angeles kept popping up during my review. I just had to come. I can't explain how. I just had to. It was like a magnet was pulling me here".

"It was your gut" Jane answers quietly as her features soften and she turns to me; a smile creeping on her face.

"Only took me 30 years to figure out a basic human function. Some genius I am" I quietly joke. Jane gives a couple of giggles and finally relaxes.

Dr Fisher turns his attention to Jane and sees that her eyes are locked with Maura. "Jane what was going thru your head the night Maura found you?".

Jane flinches and her eyes squint again but she keeps contact with Maura. "I was scared to disappoint Dominic. He was finally happy and as soon as we got to the club all I wanted was Maura. I had thought I had overcome my need for her that had begun torchering me even before Dominic took me.

I sat and watched a dancer that reminded me of her and fantasized. I just wanted one last chance with Maura before..."

"Before what Jane?" Dr Fisher questions.

"I didn't want to upset Dominic any more but I wasn't able to always control myself. I hurt him, like I hurt everyone".

"Jane what were you planning on doing?" Maura blurts out, knowing the answer.

"I deserve to die" Jane spits out as she glares at me.

I jump up and before I realize it I have slapped Jane across the face. "Don't you ever say that again!" I scold her as I see red. "Fight for yourself, dammit!". I bend down and my face is inches from hers. "You are loved, so very much. What happened to you was not your fault. Do you understand me? Life throws obstacles that we must overcome. Those that are the strongest fight life's hardest obstacles. Your the one that taught me that".

Janes eyes widen at my uncharacteristic outbreak. She stays silent and doesn't even hint at the sting she must have in her cheek that mirrors my hand.

I collapse on the floor in front of her. My hands holding my face as my sobs overtake me. "Please come back to us Jane. To me. Please".


	16. The Release

A comforting hand is on my shoulder before it begins to trace up to my chin. My despair begins to subside. The hand begins to guide my chin up and I'm looking Jane directly in the eyes. She's only inches away. Those brown orbs once full of strength, love, and support are hesitant, scared, and dulled. We're silent.

"You saw what happened?" Jane asks with seriousness.

"When?" I reply, confused, as I dry my eyes.

"When he took me?" she tears up, her face showing fear of the answer.

"Yes" I respond not wanting to lie or elaborate. She lets go of my chin and jerks away.

Missing her touch, I go to reach for her and she retracts further. "Jane, please don't pull away from me" I beg.

She stills but holds her hands up, palms facing me, to stop my advances. She's shaking. "I'm dirty and broken Maura. Aren't you disgusted by me?".

"No. What happened was not your fault" I start, as I rise to my knees so to follow her retreat. "Dominic was sick. No one knew how bad until it was too late. Please don't blame yourself" I finish with a hand on her knee and the other over my heart.

"But you won't want me anymore; no one will. Not when you find out everything that happened. I can't be who I was before. Who you need" she covers her face with her hands in frustration. "You need more than what I can offer. Everything in my head is just so confused", she slams her fists down on the bed.

"Jane it's not that simple. I've tried to live without you, it's impossible. We've both been permanently changed by this".

"What do you want from me, Maura?" Jane pleads.

"I just want you to get better; be happy one day. I don't want to pressure you" I finish as I remove my hand.

A smirk appears on Janes face, but she is finished with today's session and lays down on the bed, exhausted.

* * *

It takes some time, but Jane finally begins to improve. She starts to initiate interactions regularly and our joint sessions start to become more conversational and comfortable. Eventually she asks to see her family and to call Korsak and Frost.

Dr Fisher interprets these actions as recovery; however, knowing Jane the way I did, I can see that she is doing what is socially expected. Her actions are forced. She lacks the humor and raw energy she once possessed. Even so, I have to give her credit for effort. I knew what it was like to be socially awkward; I am the 'Queen of the Dead' after all.

Five months pass since Jane was admitted for treatment. "Your sending me home?" Jane worriedly asks.

"Yes, but there is one catch. I don't want you living by yourself" Dr Fisher responds, looking up from the discharge paperwork. Jane swallows hard but doesn't respond. "Do you have somewhere you can live?".

"I...I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for this, Doc." Jane whispers, looking down at the floor.

"Jane, your ready. You are doing so well and I don't want all your hard work to go to waste. You have to keep pushing yourself. I assure you, you'll be fine. That's why I want you to stay with someone while you transition" he finishes as he walks out.

Jane turns to me, fear in her eyes and hugging herself tight. I walk up to her and hold her upper arms reassuringly, "Are you alright?".

"I don't know where I'll go".

"We can go wherever you want. We don't have to go back to Boston".

"I have to go back Maura. When have I shied away in the past? I've run for too long. Besides, my entire family is there".

"You know you don't have to be brave for me. And you haven't been running, Jane. You've been getting healthy. To be honest, I don't know if I want to go back there myself" I respond as Angela walks in, her face all-a-grin; completely ignoring me. I release Jane.

"I just heard the news. I'm so happy your finally coming home!" Angela chimes excitedly as she beelines straight to Jane to pull her into a tight hug. Janes face whitens in response. "We'll have to get a two bedroom apartment..."

"Angela?" I intercede seeing Janes distress. "Dr Fisher will need you to sign some additional paperwork". She releases her hold and kisses Jane on the cheek before turning to leave.

I make sure Angela is not within earshot before turning back to Jane. "Where you go is your decision, Jane. I'll support whatever choice you make. But know, if you want, you can stay in my guest house should you wish to return to Boston".

"I don't think I can stay with my Ma right now. I still don't know how I feel about her right now. But I don't know if I can stay at your house either. There's just too many memories there" she says as she nervously runs her hands thru her hair.

"Ummm...I actually sold my house after we found you and everyone came out here" I start to move away from Jane so I can pace. I was a little uncomfortable. I had sold the house because I didn't know if Jane would ever be released from the hospital and I had no plans on being away from her again. I couldn't tell her this.

Jane reaches out and gently stops me. "You loved that house. Why would you get rid of it?".

"I wasn't sure if you would ever want to return to Boston. There were so many memories there; I made so many mistakes that I don't want to be reminded of. I just wanted to start fresh...with you" I smile at her finally realizing I just may have a future with Jane.

"Maura, I've already told you. I can't be with you or anyone else. I don't think I ever will be able to again. You know this" she scolds me.

"I'm sorry that didn't come out right. If you'll have me, I'd like to be LLBFFs again" I return, a little defeated.

Jane giggles at the memory. "That I might be able to do, but no promises. Ok?".

"Ok".

* * *

**Sorry for the delay these past couple of weeks. Work has been hectic and I haven't had much free time. These last chapters have been difficult to wrbe abut I hope they have table to give the informatioyo you need for what is to come. It's going to get good again.**


	17. Home Again

News of Janes release causes a media frenzy at the hospital.

"Are you ready?" I ask Jane as we exit the elevator.

"I have to be".

Knowing Jane might not react well to the attention, my parents help me with a diversion. They wait for Jane, Angela, and I by the parking garage exit in a rental car, while the Town Car Angela and I arrived in is waiting by the Main Entrance. It works perfectly and Jane was able to slip away unnoticed.

Unbeknown to me, my parents had furthered this plan by having the Isles Foundation jet moved to the Palmdale Airport; a small commercial airport two hours outside of LA, in the country. "You didn't have to do all this for me" Jane tells my parents and I when they explain why we are driving for so long.

"We wouldn't have it any other way. Your well being is all we care about. You shouldn't have to deal with the media until you are ready for it" my mother responds with a comforting squeeze to Janes knee.

We don't have to wait before boarding the plane; the car pulls right up to the stairs. Tommy and Franky are already boarded and help Jane to get settled. I watch her, looking for signs of distress. She's a little impatient with all the attention, but she is handling it well. She falls asleep quickly and I assume its to calm her nerves.

I take the opportunity to speak with my parents. "Mother, father may we speak for a moment?" I request, as I indicate a table in the back, with a wave of my hand. They don't hesitate and we move so that we don't disturb Jane.

"Thank you so very much for everything you have done for me. I really appreciate it".

"Maura, you know you don't have to thank us. We love you" Constance responds.

"I just don't want you to think I am taking you for granted," I continue as my mother reaches across the table to hold my hand while my father wraps his arm around my shoulder to squeeze me tight. "As you know, I sold my Boston home. Could you help me push paperwork thru on a new house?"

"Not a problem" father responds as he pulls his phone and iPad out so he can get to work. Within two hours I have a new home and movers scheduled to deliver my furniture I had stored.

Nervous of what is to come, I go to sit next to Jane. Angela lets out a moan of frustration that gets my immediate attention. "Angela, is there something you want to say?".

"Why yes. As a matter of fact there is. Do you find it necessary to rub my nose in the fact you have unlimited money?" she aims at me. Franky and Tommy shift in their seat, uncomfortable, but not willing to fight the matriarch.

"Excuse me?" I reply quietly surprised so as not to disturb Jane. I stand and point to the back of the plane before we continue.

"I thank you for all you've done for Jane but can't you let her family take care of her now?".

"Angela where is this coming from?".

"Just where do you get off!" Angela's temper starts to flare and her voice rises again. It catches my parents attention and I catch them rising from their seats from the corner of my eye. "You are such a control freak. It's your fault Jane was taken in the first place. You sent the detectives to the wrong place. Now you want to take her away from me again" she spits at me.

My parents are standing at my back and it helps me keep in control. "Angela please keep your voice down" I force out.

"I will not keep my voice down. Jane should know its your fault..."

"MA!" Jane forcefully pushes past me to face her mother. "It was not Maura's fault and you know it. I was already gone by the time anyone knew I was missing. No one could have stopped it once Dominic got hold of me" she directs at Angela, while reaching behind her for my hand. "I will not tolerate you speaking to Maura or her parents this way".

"I'm your mother and I will speak to whomever I want to however I want to" Angela spits back, eyes narrowed.

"When we land, I need you to go home. You will not come with the Isles and I. You need to cool off and I need to figure out how to deal with you".

"Is this something Maura told you to say!?" Angela's furious, and turns her glare on me.

"Ma, I can't even deal with you right now..." Jane starts to move back to her seat, defeated. She doesn't even finish her thought.

My anger flares again. I feel like I am going to explode. "How fucking selfish can you be!" I spit out and close in on Angela. As soon as the words are out, I can't believe they came from my mouth. Did I just channel the old Jane?M "Everything has always been about your wants. Do you even think about what is best for Jane; your daughter? If you only knew the hell she has been thru, you'd be sick with how your acting. That is if you could possibly think past your own damn needs". I have Angela pinned against the wall of the plane, and it fuels my confidence. "Unless you want an unscheduled stop, keep your fucking mouth shut the rest of the trip" I finish and turn with a purpose to get back to Jane. My parents move out of my way, shock painting their face.

I resume my seat next to Jane and take her closest hand in both of mine. "I'm sorry Jane" I say with pleading eyes. Janes tears beginning to fill her eyes before she drops her head on my shoulder and wraps her free arm across me.

* * *

"Jane, honey. Wake up, it's time to deplane" I gently shake her shoulder. Her eyes crack open and I see the old Jane for a brief moment.

"Maura, you cannot keep me away from Jane" Angela smirks as she stands over me.

"Angela, will you please shut up and leave" I respond, completely put out by her actions.

Luckily my parents had anticipated the exchange. The flight crew approached Angela and suggested they help her off the plane; Franky and Tommy followed.

A car is waiting at the bottom of the stairs; the Rizzoli's already gone in a different car. I get Jane in the car when I turn and realize my parents don't have their carry ons with them. "Mother, aren't you coming with us?"

"No. I'm so sorry but we have to get to New York to check on the Foundation. We'll be back soon though and we're only a phone call or short travel away".

I'm instantly nervous. This is the first time I am to be alone with Jane since I found her and I don't know what to do. What if I mess up! I begin to panic, hyperventilate.

"Maura, calm down. It's just Jane. There's no reason to be scared" Mother soothes as she pulls me into a hug. She's gotten really good at reading my facial expressions these past months.

"You're a doctor honey. You know what your doing. And if you need help, Dr Fisher should be back in town very soon" Father adds as he too hugs me goodbye. I wave goodbye and get into the car to Jane who is silently working her hands.

Everything in order, the driver pulls away and heads for my new house. I leave Jane to her thoughts as mine are on everything I have to do to get the new house inhabitable. I'm preoccupied when we come to a stop and the engine cuts. I don't even take in where we are until the driver opens the door and I stand outside. It's my childhood home in Belmont Hill.

"Holy crap, Maura" Jane exclaims when she sees the house.

"This must be a mistake. I thought Father said Beacon Hill. Let me talk to the driver".

I turn to talk to the driver before he finishes getting our bags from the car and catch sight of my former butler, Jasper, walking towards me; a warm smile on his face. "Miss Isles, welcome home" he says, stopping just in front of me. "Your furniture was delivered earlier and we have it almost unpacked. I hope you like where we have placed your things".

I'm totally confused but know I have to get it together for Jane. I will call my parents later to work this out.

I turn back to Jane and give her an embarrassed smile; she returns the smile and shakes her head. "Just how much money do you have, Maura?"

"I think there was a mistake".

"Ma'am, there is no mistake. Your parents were in the process of selling the estate since most of their time they spend in New York or abroad. Your father has instructed me to relay that the title has been transferred to yourself".

I'm officially in shock. Jane, giggling to herself, grasps my hand and tugs me towards the front door. "Show me how the other half lives Maura" she teases me.

In the entry way, I find a bouquet of flowers with a note. It's from my parents _Welcome home, we love you_. "I guess Jasper was correct. I just wish father told me so that I could tell him this is too much house for us. How embarrassing. I'm so sorry Jane, I'll get this straightened out as soon as they land in New York" I finish as I begin to dart for the office so as to begin looking for other properties.

Jane follows me, a big grin on her face. "Maura relax" she tells me as she closes the lid of the laptop. "You don't need to be embarrassed. I was just teasing".

"But Jane, this isn't who I am. It's my parents. I like being able to buy what I want but this is pretentious".

"Maura, I kind of like the idea of getting to know what it was like growing up you".

"Alright, Jane. But we will not be staying long. I should not have sold my house; what a mess".

"Why don't you show me around Maura" Jane tries to distract me and I let her; not wanting to upset her again today.

We start by introducing Jane to Jasper officially. Jasper in turn shows us to where our rooms are going to be and I realize they have me set up in the master suite; Jane in the guest quarters. I remember how lonely the house could be and I dismiss Jasper so I can talk with Jane. "Jane, you can get lost in this house if you want to. I don't want you to pull away from everyone just because you're able to. Are you sure this is the right place to be? It could be very lonely and isolating when I was growing up here".

"Maura, I don't want to pull away, so stop worrying. I want to be able to live again, maybe one day get my shield back. Until then, lets just indulge for a while. It would be nice to not have to worry about cleaning and cooking for now" she assures me with a smile. "Want to watch a movie? I bet this place has a theatre someplace" she finishes as she peaks around the hall, looking for clues.

"Yes it's..." But before I can continue, Jane cuts me off.

"Let's explore. Changes have probably been made since you were last here. It'll be fun".

I can't deny her anything that makes her happy, so I let her lead. I watch as she roams about like a child on an expedition; the sight lifts my heart. As we approach the movie room, I call Jasper to request a bottle of wine and some finger foods. Jane giggles at the fact I had to use a phone.

We select a comedy and take our place on one of the plush, leather couches. As the previews begin, Jasper arrives with the drink and food. "Jane are you sure you should be drinking?" I ask, worried that her addiction could spur her on to new mind altering alternatives.

"I asked Dr Fisher before we left. He said I could try in moderation. Hence me drinking wine and not my usual beer or tequila".

"Alright, but don't get mad if I monitor you".

"That's fine" she says before turning her attention to the screen. She has two glasses before switching to water. I was proud of her.

Half way thru the movie I realize Jane has made her way down to where I was sitting on the end of the couch, her head in my lap. I start to run my hand thru her hair as I think how funny it is that we have switched roles.

"Did you curse at my mother and tell her to shut up?" Jane asks as the movie concludes.

Caught off guard, I stumble trying to get out my response. "I...uh...yeah...I guess I did. I'm sorry. It was very inappropriate" I blush.

"No. I'm ok with it. I've just never seen anyone put her in her place like that. She can be relentless. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to do that" she giggles as she turns over to face me; her head still in my lap. "Maura, thank you for everything".

* * *

**Sorry for any mistakes. I wanted to get this out in case this weekend is crazy like the last two. I've written this whole thing on my iPad and sometimes autocorrect does weird things. Have a great Friday!**


	18. A busy morning

The next morning I take a little extra time getting ready. It was difficult trying to decide what to wear. I had felt like wearing a new dress, when I realized I hadn't gone shopping since I left for LA. I have had different priorities. I wanted to feel anew, so I picked a top and jeans combo that I had not purchased together as an outfit. It would have to do for now.

I decide I to head down to start coffee before Jane wakes. I'm absentminded humming to myself as I walk, when I overhear Jane speaking to Sherri, the cook. Surprised due to the early time, I lean against the doorframe and listen for a few moments. Jane's once casual confidence can be heard; the forced responses I witnessed at the hospital almost gone.

'Strange. Maybe she feels more comfortable outside of the hospital,' I think to myself.

I move into the room, trying to act as though I hadn't been listening in. I give a beaming smile, "good morning Jane, Sherri".

I turn towards the coffee maker and Sherri holds out a cappuccino complete with a flourish on top. I pause and take the cup, forgetting that Sherri would have already made the coffee for us. "Oh, Sherri. Thank you so much. How I missed your coffee" I smile at her and she returns one back before going back to Janes and my breakfast.

I take a seat next to Jane at the island. "How did you sleep?"

"Pretty good actually. Probably because I didn't feel like I was being watched" she smirks before taking a sip of her coffee. Caught like a deer in the headlights, Jane continues, "I was just asking Sherri what you were like as a child".

"Oh goodness, there isn't much to say; I wasn't very remarkable".

"I beg to differ ma'am. You were not the typical child; very self motivated and intelligent".

"Thank you for saying so Sherri, but being a 'nerd', as Jane would say, isn't very interesting". Sherri smiles warmly as I take another sip of coffee in the hopes to rid the lump I have just gotten in my throat.

Other than providing me with unlimited resources, my parents had been absentee. Sherri and Jasper had been the ones that offered me advice and some semblance of familial support but for the most part I had to be self sufficient.

My phone rings before I can continue and I notice my mothers number on the Caller ID. "Hello mother!" I start as I drop from my stool and head for the office for privacy. "I meant to call last night. Thank you for the estate, but mother this isn't me. I just don't want to be treated differently".

"We know you would prefer a smaller space but we thought having help with the daily, mundane chores would relieve some of the stress on both Jane and you".

"I hadn't considered that".

"Your father also thought it would give you peace of mind because should you have to leave, Jane wouldn't be alone".

"Mother thank you so much. I don't even know what to say".

"You don't have to say anything. We just want you two to be able to reconnect without unnecessary stresses. Does Jane know we installed a gym?".

"You did? Oh, I'm not telling her that. I'll not be able to keep her out of there" I giggle, remembering Janes tendency to use the gym to sort out her thoughts and feelings. Sometimes to almost an unhealthy extent.

I hear footsteps behind me, "just a second mother". I turn to see Jane. "Breakfast is finished. Sherri made omelets so you probably don't want to let them get cold", she smiles before turning back around to leave.

"Thanks. I'll be right there". Jane glimpses back at me and nods before disappearing.

"Mother, would you mind if I call you back?" I say as I move to follow Jane.

"Not at all. Try to relax and get to know each other again. I'll check in with you tomorrow".

We say our goodbyes, as I resume my seat. The omelet is delicious; it's southern style. I get two bites into it before my phone rings again. "I'm so sorry. Normally my phone never rings except for work" I blush, embarrassed. "Hello?".

"Hi Maura, it's Korsak. Would it be alright if I stopped by on my way I to work this morning? I have something to talk to you about and I don't think it's appropriate over the phone".

"That's fine Vince, but I may be a little out of the way. I moved to Belmont Hill. If its more convenient, I can come to the station". I then realize Jane is sitting next to me and peek to see if by leaving her alone it would be a problem. She's paused, her fork mid air between the plate and her mouth. "But I wouldn't be able to come in until this afternoon. Jane and I are still getting settled" and with that Jane relaxes again.

"That's alright Maura. Angela gave me your new address when I saw her last night. I'll be there in ten" he hangs up without pleasantries.

"So Korsak is coming by soon?" Jane asks, worry and excitement painting her face and fueling her voice.

"Yes. He should be here in a few minutes. Do you want to see him?".

"There's no reason not to really. But if you don't mind, I think I'm going to go get ready to work out. It's been such a long time and I feel so soft" she says as she unconsciously rubs her stomach.

I reach for her hand with both of mine. "Jane you can be impossible. While it may be true you don't have the muscle tone you once had, you are far from being soft. In fact, I'd feel better if you gained a few pounds" I give her hand a reassuring squeeze. "But I also know you must be missing the gym too".

She nods her head and drops from the stool before moving to grab her plate. Sherri stops her. "I'll take care of that Miss Rizzoli" she says.

"Thank you. And Sherri, please call me Jane" she grins. "I'm not used to all this and if you keep calling me Miss Rizzoli I'll get uncomfortable" she smiles and runs her fingers thru her hair. "Or I might start expecting everyone to start doing it" she says as she walks out of the room.

Jane gone, I can't contain my happiness any longer. That was the first time I had heard Jane's wit in years. I smile and know it has to be ear to ear. I catch myself mindlessly staring at the door, Jane passed thru, before pulling my eyes away so as not to be rude to Sherri.

"Maura, I'm so pleased to have you back; it's been too long" Sherri says as she takes my plate and utensils to clean them. "I had followed the news when Jane was abducted. I had known that you were friends and coworkers but I had no idea you were in love. Had I known, I would have reached out".

"Thank you Sherri. Honestly, I didn't admit it to myself until this year. I talked with Jeff about it, you remember him don't you? From medical school?"

"The Fisher boy that followed you around like a love sick puppy dog?"

"Yes, that's the one, but he helped me realize that I have been wasting a lot of time trying to do what is expected of me. I don't know what would have happened to me if I had lost her forever. The thought completely unhinges me".

"It sounds like you've got it bad. Have you told her?".

"No. I didn't want to pressure her and the timing isn't right. It would have been selfish of me to unburden myself. I can wait. Right now, it is more important for Jane to get well again".

"But don't you think it might help her to know?".

"Perhaps. But she has been animate that she can't even consider the thought right now. Plus both of us have changed so much. I think it would be better to reconnect as friends and go from there. Don't you?".

"Yes, that may be right. You wouldn't want to be trapped in the past memories".

Moments later, Jasper walks into the kitchen with Korsak in tow. It's been months since I last saw him and I'm shocked to see he has aged in that time. "Korsak, it's so good to see you" I beam as I drop from the stool and move to give him a hug.

As I step back, tears are in his eyes but a smile on his face. "You have no idea how happy I am that you didn't give up. I'm so very sorry I wasn't more supportive. You must not think much of me" he looks to the floor as he wipes his eyes.

"Vince, everything we collected pointed to Jane being deceased. I can't even explain what took me over and pushed me forward. Honestly it somewhat scared me as I didn't recognize myself. I was obsessed. I should be asking you for forgiveness. I haven't been a joy to be around the last several years".

"Let's call it a truce?".

"Deal. Sherri is cleaning up, but I'm sure I can pull leftovers from the fridge. Can I get you anything?"

"I'm alright. Thank you though".

"So what brings you here?" I ask as I lead him to the library for some privacy. "Dominic is being brought back to Boston to stand trial for abducting Jane, among other charges".

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I don't know why I'm feeling nervous".

"We all are Doc, it's alright" he says as he takes my hand. "I understand you have a thorough knowledge of the evidence".

"That's right" I respond and bite my lip in anticipation.

"The trial has been pulled forward due to the nature of it. The DA doesn't want to give the media time to turn this trial into the next OJ Simpson fiasco. We don't have the time to go thru the tapes to find the pertinent evidence we need for a solid case. We need your help and that of Janes therapist".

"I'll see what I can do".


	19. Coming together

We spoke for several more minutes before Korsak had to leave for work. He mostly wanted to know how Jane has been since we left the hospital, but there was little I could reassure him with. We hadn't even been here for 24 hours.

Walking Korsak to the door, Jane made an appearance. Korsak seemed to be more uncomfortable than Jane was, which surprised me. Watching his actions and knowing how he reacted after Hoyt, it was obvious he was worried about doing something that would have a negative reaction by Jane. Perhaps this is why Jane seemed to be less guarded and more reassuring with him.

After 10 minutes, they made plans to have lunch later this week and Korsak made to leave. I walked him to the car so to find out when the trial would begin and if Dominic had representation yet.

"The trial is set for three Tuesdays from now. As for that bastards council, you won't believe it" Korsak spits out.

I took hold of his elbow, trying to calm him so he would continue speaking rather than rushing into the black hole he was working on. "What do you mean?"

"He only got the best defense attorney Boston has to offer; pro bono nonetheless. Who knew Mark Weinberg was so generous; that media whore, Johnny Cochran wannabe" he spewed out before turning to me with frustration and hatred painting his face. "He's already making a case for insanity. Isn't that great?".

Korsak didn't give me the chance to respond before getting in his car and leaving. I stayed in the drive a few moments before realizing I had to get to work.

Jane had already headed to the gym, when i got back inside, so I felt it was safe to pull out the notes I had tucked away in my bedroom desk. There was no way I could let Jane know how much I knew or that I had information in the house for her to find. I just hoped she wouldn't press as to what I was doing during these next few weeks.

Before I opened the file, I called Dr Fisher. "Jeff, how was your trip back?" I ask when he picks up on the fourth ring.

"It was not as lovely as yours was as I flew commercial. But it was uneventful nonetheless. Since I haven't been called, I assume everything is going alright?"

"Well we had a sort of altercation on the plane with Angela but Jane seems to have been able to work thru that. Now we have another issue of the sorts. Has anyone from the BPD called you yet?".

"Yes, I got a message from a Detective Frost but I was still on my flight; I haven't called him back yet".

I explained to him everything Korsak and relayed to me; including the defense that was being pushed. "This is bad Jeff. We cannot let Dominic have a restful stay at a mental hospital. It's too similar to Hoyt. Jane might regress".

"Agreed. I've been considering the information we know about Dominic and I'm not certain he's the victim his original therapist and this attorney are trying to portray him as". We hung up after making plans to meet for dinner following Janes session today.

I didn't like the thought of leaving Jane, but I couldn't chance her finding out what was happening. Not certain this wasn't more for me than Jane, I phoned Frankie to ask if he would have dinner with Jane tonight. I had only one stipulation, Angela wasn't invited; not until Jane made the first step. Frankie agreed.

Spending so much time in uncomfortable chairs in the hospital observation room, I take the file folder to my bed. I lay out the information, determining how to organize the information. I was trying to be efficient but I was soon caught up in the images I took while collecting evidence at the house Jane had been held captive in for three years.

_My parents drive me to the home, refusing to allow me to come alone. As the car rolls to a full stop, my door is opened and I'm greeted by Detective Moran. _

_Moran tries his best to assure that I'm not going to have an adverse reaction and I do my best to be detached. I am the Chief Medical Examiner and in charge of evidence collection on high profile cases such as this. I pull on my gloves before entering the home; leaving my briefcase outside the door so that I can do an initial walkthrough. _

_Moran, realizing I'm not responding or hearing him, is content with following me. I open the door and am happy to see only Moran and I are here for now; the main crew had already come and gone. I step into the entry way and am impressed by the size of the house. How Dominic had afforded this is beyond me. _

_Without realizing what I am doing, I naturally start to move thru the house in how I saw Dominic do so many time in the recordings. He was very methodical and consistent; staying true to the OCD diagnosis. I end at the bedroom where Jane has been all this time._

"Hey, where are you?" Jane asks as she gives a gentle shake to my shoulder.

Shocked, I move to conceal the photo I was staring at before shifting to acknowledge Jane. "No place I would rather be than here with you" I answer before my breath hitches at the sight before me. Jane is on all fours; her hand still on my shoulder. It's right out of one of my fantasies.

Janes hand moves from my shoulder to my face. "What has you so upset, Maura?" She adds as she begins to dry my face.

"I almost lost you before I realized how stupid I had been". I start to tear again and Jane moves from the bed to clear it of my papers before crawling back to pull me into an embrace. After a few minutes, she pulls back a little; enough to kiss my forehead before looking me in the eye. Her deep chocolate eyes calm me to the soul.

Moments pass and I can no longer fight the magnetism that has drawn me to Jane since the first time we shook hands; I lean in the few inches that separates us. Jane doesn't fight me instead she deepens the kiss and passion overtakes my senses.

I reach to pull her close but Jane has other things in mind. She guides me to my back and moves on top of me. I'm in heaven. I want more and move to run my hands under Janes shirt but Jane is ahead of me again. She sits up, as soon as my hands hit her lower back, and pulls her shirt up and off; throwing it to the side of the bed. She smiles down at me and I take it she wants me to reciprocate. I sit up and before I can reach for the bottom hem of my top, Jane has already started moving it up and off of me.

We look into each others darkened, hooded eyes before this time crashing back into each other. After a few moments, Jane rises to her knees as she reaches out to pull my legs around her waist. She picks me up and turns us so that our heads are now at the headboard. "I've waited too long to have these legs wrapped around me" Jane whispers in my ear before nipping the lobe. She slowly makes her way down my neck, to my pulse point, while taking a breast in her hand.

It feels so good, so right my back involuntarily arches missing the heat and contact of her newly exposed skin. I moan as I feel my core press against hers, even with us both still wearing pants. I want her, need her.

Jane moves her hand to my other breast, her mouth taking up where her hand left off. I move my hands down her back to pull her core tight to mine. She moans as she starts to move into a slow rhythm.

I'm so wet and turned on, I only think I need her inside me; to be inside her. I arch my back but hold her hips in place before return to the bed myself. "I need to feel more of you". She understands and helps me undo my pants and pull them off.

I shut my eyes in anticipation as I feel her crawl back on top of me. When she lowers herself I am pulled from my personal heaven as I feel she still has her pants on. I open my eyes and, when our eyes lock, Jane closes the gap to pull me into another passionate kiss. I feel Jane shift her weight to one side before tracing my breast and stomach with her hand; making her way to my core.

As I feel her hand dip under the elastic of my panties, I sigh and push my core into her movements. She stops at the little bud of nerves and I almost peak at the initial touch. I pull myself into the bed enough to be able to use my hand to guide her to my core. Anticipating the sensation, I gasp as she plunges in. Loosing myself in the moment I realize my hand is still on her forearm and move to undo her jeans.

It takes her a second to realize what I am doing before she jumps off me and the bed; her eyes wide and her hand outstretched stopping me from following.

She bends in half to compose herself and I move to pull my comforter over myself; suddenly feeling very self conscious. "I'm sorry Maura, I shouldn't have taken advantage like that" Jane says as she slowly stands upright with her hands on her hips.

She isn't looking at me, instead she focuses on a wall to my left. I begin to move towards her. I don't want her to pull back from me. "Stop Maura. I can't do this" she forcefully says.

"Jane, I'm confused. I wasn't expecting this so soon, but I can assure you that it is what I want. I'm in love with you. I want you".

Janes eyes begin to tear and I feel my heart crack. "Maura, I'm not the same person I was before. A lot has happened and I don't think I can ever be with someone 'that way' again. I'm ruined".

"Jane, you are not ruined" I say as I reach out for one of her hands. Before I can reach her, Jane stumbles out of my reach, sliding on my papers she had placed on the floor.

"You can't possibly know what he did to me. What I did, wanted" she says as she covers her mouth. "It makes me sick to think about it".

"Jane, none of that is your fault. You did what you had to to stay alive, which is astounding since you were so heavily drugged".

"That's just it Maura. I try to tell myself that it was the drugs that made me want him. But that's not true. After a while, I wanted him like I wanted water, air. Like I used to want you".

"Jane that's the Stockholm Syndrome. You couldn't help yourself".

"I know what Stockholm Syndrome is Maura. Remember I am...was a cop" Jane said as she bent down to snatch up her shirt.

When she stands back up I sense something has changed. "I'm not asking you again Maura. What were you looking at" she accuses as she points to the papers on the floor.

"Jane" is all I can respond, not wanting to lie but not wanting to tell the truth.

Now furious, Jane rushes me to pin my shoulders to the bed. "Why do you have a picture".

"Jane..." She shakes me, frustrated with my lack of response. "Let go of me" I scold and struggle as I try to pull the comforter tighter around me; she releases me and stands with her arms folded. "When I moved I took the position of Chief Medical Examiner of LAPD. As such, I was in charge of the evidence gathering for your case, just as I was here in Boston. The trial was pulled forward and BPD asked me to help them solidfy the case".

Jane embarrassed and feeling betrayed, throws her hand in the air, "great so you think you know everything".

"I don't think, I know my understanding of what happened is fairly complete. Dominic taped everything but your journey to LA. I've gone thru it all. Seen everything, whether I wanted to or not".

Jane turns her back to me. "You know everything do you?". She turns back and it's a Jane I've never seen before. "After I learned of my funeral and your wedding, I gave up. I had no hope I would get away from him and didn't want to, if I am to be honest. I gave myself to him completely, Maura. I begged him to come in me".

"Oh my God" is all I could say as tears streamed down my face. 'Please tell me she isn't pregnant'.

"I got caught up in the past just now, Maura. I can't let anyone...you touch me. I still want Dominic. Don't you understand?".

* * *

**Stocklholm Syndrome is nasty. Don't worry, things are coming to a head. They get together.**


	20. Second chances

"Ma'am, a Dr Jeff Fisher is in the study" Jasper states after lightly knocking on my bedroom door.

I pause briefly, trying to clear the lump from my throat before responding. "Please let him know I will be right down. Thank you, Jasper".

"My pleasure ma'am. I'll go inform Ms. Rizzoli" he finishes as he walks off down the hall.

I get up and inspect myself in my vanity; there's no way to quickly hide the fact I had just been crying. 'Hope he doesn't ask too many questions' is all I can think before running a brush thru my hair, smoothing my blouse, and heading for the study.

Jeff is sitting in an overstuffed leather chair in a nook by the window; reading one of my fathers books. "So are you trying to pretend that anthropology is interesting or are you just that boring?" I tease with a smile, trying to compensate for how I feel and undoubtedly look.

"Excuse me, this is a fascinating read about a rural African tribe in Chad found in the early twenties. Can you just imagine?" Jeff says without looking up.

I shut the door behind me before taking the seat across from Jeff. "We need to talk before your session with Jane. We need a plan on how to deal with the trial".

"Agreed" he says as he rises from his chair to replace the book from where he took it. Turning back towards me his smile falters, "Maura, are you alright?".

I drop my gaze and take sudden interest in my fingernails. "We had an altercation of sorts. I should have been more prepared so I could have avoided it this soon".

"And I also told you that it would not be smooth going at first. This is natural" he reassures before resuming his seat.

"I don't think physical intimacy is what you were talking about Jeff". Embarrassed and frustrated, I rub my face briefly before turning my gaze back to him; tears forming again.

"Oh, Maura" he starts with a smile growing on his face. "You both are passionate people, I'm not surprised. You'll work this out but don't forget you both have changed these past three years. It would be wise to get to know each other again before attempting an intimate relationship".

"I agree. It just happened and we got swept up in the moment" I sigh as I stand so that I can leave before Janes session is due to begin. "Have Jasper come get me for dinner, will you?".

Approaching the door, a knock is heard. 'Please don't let this be Jane' I think to myself, unable to hold off the tears that are slowly streaming down my face. I turn the knob and pull the door open. Sure enough, I am looking Jane right in the eyes. I flinch, uncomfortable after what happened between us and embarrassed of my tears. I hate feeling weak.

"Excuse me, Jane" I say as a matter of fact, as I make to dry my face with my hands and slide past her. I'm nearly out of reach before I feel a tug on my wrist that stops me. 'Please Jane, just let me be right now'.

"Maura..." Jane says calmly, trying to get me to turn my attention back to her. I can't.

What was a slow cry and turns into a torrent at her touch. It was all I could do to keep from making sounds and movements which would be obvious of my pain. A few moments pass and I don't respond; she releases me. I resume my path down the hall and a few strides later the door to the study closes behind me.

* * *

"Eh hem".

"Please tell Jeff I'll be right there Jasper. Thank you" I say as I finish final touches on my hair. I had gone for a quick run on the treadmill after leaving Jane and Jeff in the study. The exercise had helped me clear my head and not continue to dwell. I was feeling marginally better and decided to put on a dress for dinner. I always enjoyed dressing up.

"You look stunning, why are you still fussing with your hair. It's perfect". It's Jane at my door, not Jasper as I had assumed.

'Shit'. I close my eyes to steady my nerves before turning to Jane. "Thank you," I say with a forced smile.

"That didn't touch your eyes. You don't ever need to smile at me for my benefit". She's leaning casually in the doorframe.

"Noted" I return. "Is Jeff still in the study?" I ask, trying to avoid my current situation if possible.

"Jeff, huh?".

"Sorry. I thought I had mentioned Dr Fisher and I have known each other since Med School".

"No, but at least now I know why he didn't mind leaving everything to come to LA for three months. Not to mention house visits as a followup".

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that, Jane" I answer honestly. I feel defeated. 'Maybe I should have made her stay with family. This might be too much for me'.

Jane sighs and runs a hand thru her hair before returning her gaze to me. "Maura, I'm sorry. I'm messing everything up. Let me start again". She pauses, running both hands in her hair before continuing. "What happened earlier was my fault and I didn't handle it appropriately. I'm still confused about, things... and Dr Fisher says it will take time for me to right everything again. So, can we just use this time to get to know each other again? As friends? Our friendship, before my disappearance, was the most important thing in my life. I know I can't do this without you. Hell, trying to do this with my mother would probably lead to an undesirable end" she says with an uncomfortable, distant chuckle. "Will you give me another chance?". Jane is looking at me intently; an expression of fear mixed with anticipation paints her face.

"I will try my best. But understand, I may not have been the one taken and abused, but I too suffered nonetheless. We all did in our own way. I'm just as confused about not letting past emotions overtake what I know I should be doing today. How does one start such a strong and deep relationship over as though it never existed before? It doesn't help that I'm socially inept" I try at a bit of humor.

Jane smiles at my response and in two strides wraps me in a warm embrace. 'I'm home' I think to myself automatically as a broad smile flushes across my face.

"I should get going" I blurt out, realizing I am falling back into the wrong state of mind. I pull away and back my smile down to a grin. "Umm, Jane...?"

"Yes" Jane says, her hands still holding my shoulders as she looks into my eyes. There are almost a little sparkles to be seen.

"So that I don't return the mistake we made earlier, could we minimize the physical contact for a few days. I just need some time to get my emotions worked through".

Jane immediately drops her hands to her sides "I'm sorry. I don't even know I'm doing it sometimes. I can't seem to help myself when you're near..." she finishes as she displaces her weight back and forth between her feet in a nervous gesture.

"I know what you mean" I return quietly as I make my way past her.

I find Jeff in the sitting room. He wastes no time before getting to his feet and standing before me. "Ready to go?" he asks.

"I thought we'd go to that little Italian restaurant we used to go to during finals". I had thought it would be both befitting the current stressful situation and reminiscent. He nods and smiles his agreement; holding his arm out for me to take.

Entering the entryway I hear Jasper welcoming Frankie. My shoes give my approach away and Frankie turns his attention to me. He beams that Rizzoli smile. It's so good to see Frankie without his meddlesome mother. I'm so happy he and Jane can spend some quality time together.

"Where's the boob tube in this place Maur? You gotta map like they do at amusement parks?" he giggles.

I'm immediately self conscious. "Jasper can show you". I'm wringing my hands. "I hope this home doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. It used to belong to my parents and was the best I could do on short notice".

"We could only be so lucky" Frankie returns as he slowly spins in a circle taking in the intricate artwork in the ceiling of the foyer.

"Thank you for coming by. Dr Fisher and I should get going. We have reservations and there is much to discuss regarding the trial".

Frankie responds with a wave and nod; not taking his eyes from the ceiling. I take hold of Jeff's arm again and we make for the door. As we are moving, I ask Jasper to set Jane and Frankie up in the sports den when I suddenly run into Jeff. I look up to him trying to figure out why he stopped.

"Too good to answer your own door, Maura?". It's Angela. "I told you there was no keeping me from my daughter".

My mood immediately turns to the defensive; I can't help it. "Were you invited here by Jane?".

Angela scoffs. "I don't need an invitation. She's my daughter. My responsibility. You'd do right to move on and leave her alone" she finishes with a finger pointed inches from my face.

"Mrs Rizzoli, please. This is not going to help your daughter recover faster" Jeff tries to interject.

"With all due respect doctor, I am looking for a second opinion. I don't think your methods are in the best interest of my daughter and I do not trust the boyfriend of the woman whom is trying to take over my family".

"For fuck sakes Ma!" Jane yells from the hall as she approaches. "I told you I couldn't handle you right now. What are you trying to do?"

"I refuse to be kept from my daughter any longer. I've already lost three years. Do you have any idea what we went thru? I don't want to miss another day with my baby girl" Angela says as she envelopes Jane into an awkward, dramatic hug complete with fake tears.

Jane pushes herself from her mother. "Ma, I didn't invite you here and apparently you still haven't pulled your head out of your ass. You need to go".

"Well, I came with Frankie. If I leave, he leaves".

"Great, thanks Ma. I was looking forward to playing in Maura's princess castle" Frankie says, peeking his head back in from the hall. He always does try to diffuse Angela with humor.

"Better yet, why don't I ask Mike to take you home" I offer sternly.

"Or you could just let Jane come home with me instead of trying to brainwash her".

Ok, now I'm loosing my patience. "What the fuck Angela! I used to look to you as the mother I always wanted. I'd do anything for this family. But I don't know who the fuck the woman is that's standing before me today. You are not welcome in my home. I don't care if Jane invites you". Wow, did I really do all that hand flailing?

I turn to Jasper, "please ask Mike to take Angela home. If she refuses, call the police".

"Bitch! You'd have me arrested?".

"Worse, if you don't get out of my fucking sight". I add a slap across her face for emphasis.

The car pulls round and Jasper herds Angela to it before the situation worsens. I take Jeff's hand and pull hard towards his car, slamming the door shut behind me. "Well... Never seen you like that before" Jeff says as we pull out behind Angela's car.

"I'm sorry but I can't stand how she is acting. Can we try to have a few moments of relaxation before we drop right back into the middle of all this? I need a change of pace and my old friend tonight".

"Can do" he says as we exit the drive.

* * *

"I don't even understand what just happened" Jane says to Jasper as he closes the door behind him. She's embarrassed of how her mother is acting.

"Well ma'am I can tell you I have never heard Maura use words such as those in her life. I didn't even recognize her. She never would have fed into such goading in the past".

"I guess we have all changed" Jane returns as Jasper motions for Frankie and she to follow.

"Perhaps, but its nice to see Dr Fisher back after all these years. Maybe this time they will have a go of it".

Jane had been lost in thought until that last sentence. "I'm sorry. Did they use to date?".

"Maura always claimed they were friends but the staff and I knew better. Dr Fisher was completely smitten with her. Did everything she asked before she the request left her lips. Soul mates if you ask me".

A rush of anger and jealousy floods Jane. It's a familiar reaction of three years ago when Maura was actively dating and Jane was losing her battle with unrequited feelings for her best friend. "No one asked you" she whispers to herself as she continues to follow.


End file.
